The Best Laid Schemes
by roberttb
Summary: The lives, hopes, and dreams of Garrus Vakarian and Female Shepard. Seen through the eyes of Garrus, Shepard, and through those of Anderson and Garrus' father: Marcus Vakarian.
1. Chapter 1

Although he hated to admit it, Anderson was disturbed by the lack of what is usually a constant waterfall of cynical anecdotes that made up most of what Smiley said. Miles Hendrix always had a way with dark humour, but after the horror of Mindoir, he hardly said a word. He was being uncharacteristically serious, and Anderson didn't like it. During the First Contact War Hendrix wouldn't shut up after Anderson made that joke about his mother, hell he was still yapping on when the bullets were whizzing inches away from their heads. _"You'd think those sticks up their asses would make the Turians shoot better."_ He remembered him saying._ You don't make any sense Hendrix! _He thought to no one. They had also seen what those Batarian pirates did on Mindoir. He hasn't said anything for hours.

They walked the scorched earth looking for survivors, all they found were settlements made of ash and bodies. The people the Batarians didn't outright kill were found on makeshift operating theatres in what used to be kitchens. No one was discriminated. They thankfully didn't see the worst of what their some of their fellow soldiers saw, Zabaleta lost his mind only a few hours after they were extracted.

Smiley had been silent. And David didn't like it. He sighed. "Thirteen years I've known you Smiley, this is the quietest I've ever seen you." Smiley just shook his head, his eyes focused on the monitor that showed what could be Mindoir's sole survivor. "You know, saying something may take your mind off things."

Miles sighed, deeply. "Fucking Batarians." he shook his head.

"I'll have to agree with you on that one. I've seen a lot of shit in my time: but this…"

Smiley grinned. "You sound like an old man Anderson."

"You're one to talk Hendrix. Besides you've let yourself go, badly."

He smiled. They both returned to watching the frail red haired girl on the monitor. The Girl was so frightened when they found her; she couldn't've been more than sixteen. They had found her in what was left of her home, cradling the only possessions she had left in the world. Her voice was coarse from screaming, her hair a mess from when her hands ripped through it, her neck was red from her nails tearing at it. Her eyes: bright red from the tears that fell shamelessly. Now she sat alone in a cold interrogation room whilst the soldiers discussed what to do with her.

"You see that… thing that she's holding?" Smiley pointed towards the stuffed toy that The Girl cradled in her arms. "I swear I've seen that before." He rested he head thoughtfully on her palm.

Anderson knew, he couldn't forget. "John, Communication's officer on the Alamo, he was going to give that to his daughter."

"No." Smiley said calmly. "Can't be the same person," his eyes thinned "Can't be. He never met her. He died before he could give it to her."

Anderson sucked in a breath "It is, he made it by hand. And I gave it to her."

"Shit Anderson" Miles pushed off the table they were leaning on "you should talk to her."

"What should I say to someone who's been through what she's been though?"

"I don't know, fucking anything!" He flung his hands and started ranting. "That girl has lost everything today. Every… Fucking… Thing..." He punctuated each word with a violent crack by slamming his fist on the table in front of them. "And for what? Nothing! She lost everything because the goddamn Batarians decided to be _pricks_ and ruin the lives of those colonists for no good fucking reason other than to…" He trailed off and sighed. "Oh fuck it... Ranting about it won't change anything. It's just a waist of precious breath." Smiley paused for a moment, thinking about the frightened girl on the monitor. "You should go talk to her. Reassure her that the world has not ended and that she has something to look forward to in life. I'm shit when it comes to children, or generally being a _nice_ person."

Anderson didn't say anything for he knew _why_ Smiley wasn't a _nice_ person.

He sighed disgruntledly. "Say anything that makes her not want to _hang_ herself once she's leaves this shitty ship."

Anderson thought for a moment before turning to the kitchen behind them to prepare a hot drink. "You're right, a few kind words can't hurt. Besides she could use the company." The bubbling sound from the water heater was somewhat soothing in comparison to the stone cold silence that they shared only a few moments ago. "Do we know her name?"

"Nope, all the debriefing team got from her was a blank stare and a few inaudible monosyllables."

"Alright, I'll go talk to her."

Smiley nodded approvingly as Anderson headed towards the door. "Oh and Anderson…"

Anderson paused patiently in the doorway.

"If she tries to kill you, take her down gently."

Anderson walked away and chuckled. "Bastard" He muttered.

…

Garrus was furious.

It was not _fair_.

He knew any minute his mom would come through his bedroom door with her _It's-all-your-fault_ face and start screaming at him. He hated it when mum shouted. He hated it more when dad was deadly silent…

He listened to the murmur of his mother's voice through the thin walls of his house; he knew she would be mad, but she seemed slightly scared. It just wasn't fair. He tried to think about what to say so she wouldn't be mad. Garrus was nine, he was the _older_ brother, he could come up with a good argument. At least he thought so. He didn't care what his _stupid_ Xeno-Science teacher said. He could make an argument.

Garrus didn't know why he did it. Maybe it was an impulse. It's not like he _liked _Solana, she always got special treatment from mom because she was younger. But he just couldn't stand the way she looked so _upset _all the time because of the things Agonus said. She was slightly overweight for a seven year old but that shouldn't matter. Agonus and his friends would go around and laugh at her, call her names, tease her, told her she wasn't wanted, that she should go die because they don't like the look of her. And the teachers and parents wouldn't do anything about it. They just said it was _"Kids being kids." _But it wasn't, it had been going on for a couple of years now. It really hurt her, she always looked so sad.He hated the fact that she was so serious now, she wasn't like this before. She didn't laugh anymore. She was so upset and lonely all the time and nothing made her stop thinking about the things they said apart from eating. He was killing her slowly. He hated how he got away with it too. It was _unjust._

Today, Solana went away to sit alone at the back wall near the library during break and lunch, as usual. And as usual, Agonus and six other boys went to make fun of her, because it made them laugh.

So Garrus hit him. Again and again until his fist pulsated with pain.

He slammed Agonus' head against the old brick wall and screamed at him to stop _bullying _his little sister. He didn't realise how far he had gone until there was cold, shining blue blood on the wall and on his hands.He didn't _care, _he _deserved _it.

Then he heard footsteps. He prepared his speech. He was ready to shoot his speech as soon as the door swung open. The footsteps were slow and heavy, they didn't sound like his mom's.

The door flew open and Garrus froze. A man stood almost silhouetted in the doorway. The man had presence that was unmatched, all the air in the room went completely still and the only sound he heard was his pounding heart in his ears. The air pressure in the room seemed to skyrocket. He couldn't find his words. He _needed _to. He couldn't be weak, he had to say something.

His father stood in the doorway, waiting firmly for his son to find his words.

…

Anderson couldn't find where to start.

The Girl sat on the cold metal chair with her head and arms cradling the soft toy on the cold table in front of her. There was no space for her on the Einstein so they just left her in an interrogation room. Anderson made a note to find out whoever just abandoned her in this soulless and metallic room. She cherished that toy like it was her only comfort left in her world. Perhaps it was. Anderson could only imagine what she felt.

"I'm sorry I couldn't find any hot chocolate." Anderson said as he gave her the mug of hot water. She was still shivering even though he draped a thermal blanket around her when he entered the room. "We don't have much room for luxuries on a carrier." He pulled up a chair and sat opposite her, it made a sound as sharp as nails on a chalk board as it scraped across the cold floor. "Though I have secretly stashed a small fortunes worth of chocolate…" He placed the bag on the table "Hopefully you like chocolate, have some."

He didn't realise she looked up. She still embraced her toy lion but her frigid eyes remained locked on nothing in particular. He could see the pale look on her face, the black rings around her red eyes. Her face screamed distress. _She looks like hell_. He thought. She was hungry too. She reached for Anderson's stash of chocolate.

"I can't imagine what you must've been through child." He said as she unwrapped the chocolate, her eyes still looking at nothing. "You must be so brave." She didn't seem to register that, or anything else he said. He tried something else.

"My name's Anderson" Her frail eyes looked up "just in case you were wondering." She was still silent, just her blank eyes were staring a little higher. "David if you must. No one calls me Dave, but whatever works for you." She remained silent… so he tried something else.

"That's a very… beautiful toy you have there." He internally cringed, she still didn't react. He had plenty of time to admire the toy that John made. He gave him the idea in the first place, well not really. _He wanted to make her a sheep._ He thought. _But I thought that was a stupid idea, John wasn't sheepish. _Anderson gave her that toy when John died. He didn't think she'd remember him, she was only four.

She said nothing.

Anderson thought about briefly leaving her and going to bed, he thought about getting up and saying _"Sorry can't help you"_ and walking out the door. He was tired; he'd been up for 18 hours, 4 of those he had been in hell. He _needed_ to rest, he didn't _need_ this. He pushed that thought away as soon as it came. Whatever hell he had been through this _poor_ girl had it a hundred times worse. He just needed an axe to break the ice…

"I knew your father." He blurted out, not quite sure what to say.

Her curious eyes snapped to his and stayed there for a while.

"Really?" her voice was rusty.

"Yes." he replied, relived. "He made that for you. Spent a few hours a day locked up in his cabin making that. Nearly drove him nuts."

The tips of her lips started to curl up.

"What was he like?" She asked. Anderson met her eyes and saw that pain was gone from her face. Her red eyes were full of watery wonder. Anderson felt at ease finally. He felt… _good_. So Anderson began to talk.

And then she began to smile.

…

"I didn't think…you, were… be back so early" Garrus fumbled out, his words fell like blunt stones to the floor in front of him.

His father just stood in the doorway, blocking Garrus' only escape. He couldn't jump out the window, it was far too high. He learned that lesson already. He couldn't lock himself in the bathroom. His father would just wait silently for him to come out and make him apologise for being irrational, he learned _that_ lesson already. He was stuck in his room, so he tried _acting _like a _good _Turian for his father.

"Tell me why what you did was wrong." His father said, slowly, sternly. Garrus had heard this all before, he knew he already made up his mind and there was no way to convince him otherwise.

"He- he deserved-"

"Agonus has a fractured skull and is in intensive care. His mother is afraid that he will not wake up." His father spoke emotionless and in a condescending manner that left Garrus absolutely speechless. His matter-of-factly words made his face run cold. "Explain to me how Agonus or his mother deserved that?"

Garrus came apart. He just wanted Agonus to stop; he didn't mean to hurt him badly. His heart was beating like a drum inside his chest and his mandibles flickered anxiously. He _really _didn't mean to do something that could be… _fatal. _

_I can explain. _He wanted to say, but his words stuck to his throat.

"Tell me what you did wrong." His father repeated simply. His sub harmonics didn't give anything away.

Garrus found his words. "What Agonus and his friends said to Solana will hurt her and scar her longer than if he just hurt her physically."

His father considered what he said, but his stance didn't change. "You are right. Believe me I know that fact more than anyone." For a moment his gaze diverted away from Garrus. "I hate seeing Solana like this, the injustice towards her is disgusting. But that does not excuse what you did." His eyes snapped back to focus on him. His razor sharp gaze cut through any defenses Garrus had left.

"I-"Garrus looked down shamefully, his sub vocals quivered. "I know." His stance and posture was reduced to nothing, he curled himself up until all the thoughts of trying to justify his actions were gone or leave the room.

"Do you know why?" His father demanded, even though he already knew the answer.

"Yes." He said, systematically.

"Tell me then." His father commanded. He never looked away from Garrus when he spoke to him. He spoke in the same voice that he would use when he interrogated criminals on the Citadel. His stern calm demeanor would shatter through the toughest of suspects in a matter of minutes. He hated using it on his son, but that's the only way he thought he would learn.

Garrus took a deep breath to calm his nerves. "I used violence as a first resort instead of a last one and that was wrong, and I have hurt someone really badly. What I did made me look like a bully…" He paused as he realized "Which is what I became. I shouldn't have hit him."

"What should you have done?" His father insisted.

Garrus took another breath to sooth his subtle shaking. "I should've found the best way to solve the problem, not the fastest."

His father nodded. "I hope you understand that now. Also before you assaulted him, he was the bully and Solana was the victim. Now you're a criminal, and he is the victim."

Garrus considered those words. _Criminal. _He never wanted to be the villain. All he wanted was for him to stop bullying Solana.

"At least Solana's not the victim anymore." He looked up to meet his father in the eyes.

His father almost huffed a laugh. He couldn't believe his hot headed son that never played by the rules was capable of being so selfless. He kept all the emotion buried underneath but he couldn't help but feel slightly proud.

But then his pride was quickly dismissed by the reality of his son's situation. "You understand you will have to face the consequences of what you have done. Can you face the charges that Agonus and his family will inevitably press on you? And if he doesn't wake up, are you willing to face the charge of juvenile homicide?"

_Juvenile homicide. _Those two words made his blood run cold. He was young but he knew what they meant. If Agonus died, he would be a _murderer. _He never _ever_ wanted to be a murderer.

"I'm willing to face the consequences." Garrus said finally.

"Good."

His father stayed there for a minute to make sure that Garrus fully processed their convocation. Garrus and his father hardly had any time together, and when they were together he was usually telling him of or lecturing him. Garrus always looked up to his father, but he rarely ever made him proud, no matter how hard he tried. His father left Garrus alone with his own thoughts.

_Murderer._ No he couldn't be one. He hated injustice, he hated criminals. He wanted to fight _the bad guys_. He never wanted to become one.

_No_. He thought. _I'm not a bad guy. I will never be a bad guy._

…

"Didn't know you were still up."

"You know me; I can't sleep in those piece-of-shit bunks they give us." Smiley was still sitting in the deserted mess. He his feet were kicked up onto the table and his hands rested behind his balding head. His chair was tilted at a very precarious angle. "I take it went well… You didn't scare her did you?

"She didn't attack me, if that's what you were wondering."

Smiley chuckled. "I was watching the feed." Anderson looked at him suspiciously. "Just in case you needed any back up." He raised both palms in line with his ears defensively.

Anderson always chuckled at Mile's exaggerated hand actions. He was always so melodramatic and looked like a mime that was out of a job. "Maybe you should talk to her."

"Pfft!" he snorted "Hell no. I'd probably say something traumatising… did you get her name?"

David nodded, "Alex Shepard."

Miles bobbed his head thoughtfully. "Now all you need to do is get her number."

Anderson laughed. "You're a sick son of a bitch Smiley."

Smiley's face dipped into a tone of seriousness "That girl, Shepard, she really went through hell today huh? If the devil had been on Mindoir and saw what those Batarins did I'd think he'd be scared shitless."

Anderson nodded rhythmically.

"So what did you two talk about?" Smiley asked.

"I thought you were watching the feed."

"I was. No sound. I guessed you wanted some privacy… I take it you told her about John?" Anderson grunted in acknowledgement. "I also take it you told her we have no idea what we're going to do with her when we get back to Arcturus."

"Shepard has enough on her plate as it is."

"Yes but that's not going change the reality of the situation is it?"

He thought about how to answer that, but the truth was he really didn't want to think about that right now. "How about you don't try to be such a buzz kill for once Smiley?" Smiley chuckled at that.

Anderson smiled gleefully he was glad he could make the bleak world of Shepard's life seem a little more hopeful, even if he couldn't have saved the thousands of innocent lives on Mindoir... He was so overjoyed when she finally let her barriers down and words started pouring out of her mouth. The girl, now happily falling asleep in a room of her own cradling her toy, was completely serene compared to the frightened broken mess they found on Mindoir. _"Thank you Anderson," _she said, seemingly at peace_ "for everything."_


	2. Chapter 2

"What?"

Shepard said, dumfounded.

"I'm sorry child it's, it's just we can't do anything about it."

The reality hit her like a blunt fist. She had nowhere else to go. She had been _so_ naïve to think that it would all work out well in the end and Anderson and that woman _Kahlee,_ who he constantly droned on about, would take care of her and they would have her own happily ever after. But fairy tales are _bullshit. _She should've realised that back on Mindoir, but she entertained the thought of a happy ending long enough to actually believe in one. _I was so stupid_ she thought.

"So…" she looked up at Anderson who was sitting across the cramped military room that he was kind enough to get for her. And then to Smiley who was sitting perched on top of her bunk, seemingly distracted by the wall in front of him. "What do you we do now? Do I just get dumped at some orphanage?"

"It's not going to be like that Shepard." Anderson said with sincerity.

"Yes it is." Smiley interrupted bluntly. "We have to ditch her at an orphanage." He muttered "No point in lying to her."

Anderson shot him a stern glare. That shut him up but not without a shake of a head in protest.

"But-" Shepard was worrying; her uncertainty coated her like thin ice. She looked to Anderson for reassurance. "Is that just it for me? What about a future?"

"You will still have one; I'll make sure of that. You'll just have to trust me."

The comfort Anderson provided was abruptly killed by the cynical snort from Smiley, which earned him another deadly glare.

Shepard was still worried. "What will happen to me?" She asked generally concerned. "I don't want to be sold to some asshole people."

"Let me just get this clear" Smiley interrupted "because you need to be prepared for what you're going into. You don't have to go off with someone you don't like the look of; it's your decision who adopts you. So if you see someone who looks like a murderer or a sex offender…"

"Smiley" Anderson warned, "Enough."

A long silence cut through the room, Shepard looked to Anderson then to Smiley then back down at her feet in defeat.

"Can't I just take care of myself?" She asked innocently.

"No. You have to be eighteen to live by yourself." Smiley's tone lacked compassion; it was the unusual dead seriousness that Anderson witnessed after Mindoir.

Anderson spoke up "On the bright side you can still go to school."

It almost made Shepard laugh. She couldn't have a home but she could go to _fucking_ school.

"You have to face the facts. I don't want you believing in some fairy-tale bullshit for you to suddenly be in an unpredictable hell" Smiley continued "being an orphan is pretty shitty. There are plenty of political assholes that will see a nice pretty orphan like you and use you, you don't want that."

Shepard _did not_ like the sound of that, she quivered at the thought. Anderson's eyes _screamed_ at Smiley to shut up.

"Miles!" Anderson yelled but then he quickly regained his composure. "It's not going to be like that-"

"Don't bullshit her David! You know that I know better that anyone that false hope drives people insane! That a happy ending is a bunch of fairy-"

"Get out!" Anderson snapped. "Now"

Miles met his stern gazed as the air in the room seemed to go stale. They stared at each other in silence urging the other to back down, tightening the invisible ropes that were present when they both entered the room to tell her the news. Tension was so tight she bet if one of the ropes snapped she would be cut in half by the backlash. Miles and Anderson were both postured for the kill, both ready to whip out at each other.

Suddenly Miles jumped down from the bunk and left the room, seething. Not once did Anderson make eye contact with him, his gaze fell to the floor like a lifeless body, defeated. This time it was Shepard who broke the silence.

"I'm sorry if… you know… if I made things icy between you two."

Anderson looked up. "Smiley will get over it; he's not one to hold a grudge."

Shepard thought about the things he said, she tried to reassure herself but it wasn't working. His words lingered like a bad taste in the back of her mouth. "Why does he have to be such an ass?"

"Smiley's been through more than any sane man could take. Sometimes I wonder if he finally has gone mad." His thoughts drifted off. "His sarcasm hides a lot of things; you have to keep an open mind when talking to him. You can't condemn a man for being a bit broken, or for being an ass."

She smiled a sour smile. "So, the things he said were true huh?"

Anderson speculated about it. He knew the reality of being an orphan was cold as water under a frozen lake. He wasn't going to lie to her. Smiley was right; too much false hope will destroy a person, he probably should've told her the truth a few days ago when they picked her up on Mindoir.

"Yes" he said "but I promise I'll see to it that you will have a bright future ahead of you."

She breathed a long sigh of relief. But uncertainty was still stacked on her shoulders, "Thank you Anderson." she said, anxiety still glimmering in her eyes. She paused for a moment. "Anderson… I don't want to be adopted." She felt like a cold wind past through the room.

"Are you sure that's what you want Shepard?" Anderson asked carefully.

"Yes, that's what I want. I don't want someone that pretends to be my mom or my sister or someone that pretends to love me"

Anderson bit his lip and tried rephrasing his question "That's not what I meant, what I meant is: are you sure that's what's best is for you Shepard?"

She contemplated that thought, but she was still dismissive "Isn't what I want, the best for me?"

"No," Anderson answered immediately, "it hardly ever is. That's something that you will learn as you get older and reflect back on the decisions you've made.

Shepard kept an open mind and nodded simply.

"The Einstein is heading to earth after we stop off at Arcturus. I'll see if I can pull a few strings and get you set up somewhere nice. I have also arranged for good education as well as a good councillor."

She looked at Anderson ready to protest but he just continued "It's mandatory, I'm sorry. But she's good, though in the mean time you will still have to see the ships councillor until we reach earth." Shepard still looked defeated. Her entire life was set astray during the course of the past three days. "Though you seem to be taking things incredibly well for what you've been through." He went on.

"It's not like it doesn't upset me," her eyes drifted to look at nothing "it does." She examined the bland wall opposite her. "But I just try to forget how it all felt." She shook her head violently as if she was trying to shake the clinging memory out of her brain. Then she finally asked him:

"Why is it we forget what we want to remember and remember what we want to forget?"

Anderson thought for a while, the room was shrouded in a thick silence. "I don't know," he answered finally.

He left shortly after, leaving her with nothing better to do than to take out her delicate sketch book and draw nothing in particular.

…

"I think you missed a bit!" Garrus said, swiping his dirty mop in Agonus' general direction. The nasty toilet water scored a direct hit on the centre of his face. Agonus laughed.

"Don't be a bony ass Vakarian!" He said as he retaliated with his own salvo of watery crap. "This is our last day, no need to ruin it by flinging shit at each other like those _Humans!"_ Garrus laughed so Agonus continued his jest. "Did you know that humans used to be furry little balls of hair with tails called apes?"

Garrus snorted "What like Pyjacks?"

"Exactly like Pyjacks."

They both shared a good laugh. Garrus and Agonus had spent four hours after school on the day before their weekend doing community service in dumps, sewers, morgues, temples, retirement homes, rich people's houses, hospitals, factories, schools and toilets for the past three galactic years. It still surprised them both how their close friendship started off by Garrus nearly killing Agonus.

Garrus' father took up his son's defence once he realised they couldn't find a good lawyer. He managed to convince the supreme judge to give the same sentence to Agonus once he recovered; he said it was only fair after how he tormented Solana. _"No good deed cancels out the bad, or the bad the good." _He remembered his father saying. Agonus apologised to his sister almost immediately after waking up. Agonus even ended up liking Solana, though she still kept him at more than arm's length. But she was happy and confident again which made Garrus happy, she even got slightly thinner as an added bonus. Garrus kept all this as proof that people can change, though he sometimes wonders if he somehow rearranged his brain by smashing his head against a wall. Garrus shook his head and continued mopping. _It's a silly thought, _he thought.

"So…" Agonus began, wiping the manky water off his marked face. "Did you ask Asha out today or are you just generally in a good mood?"

The question caught Garrus _totally _of guard and he blushed madly as his mandibles flickered embarrassingly. Agonus could already see his friends answer.

"For spirits sake Garrus! What, did you leave your balls at home or something?"

"Shut up Agonus!"

Agonus huffed a disappointed laugh. "C'mon, how are you ever gonna be a Specter if you can't man up and ask a girl out?"

"I doubt Saren ever had to deal with someone like Asha." Garrus said timidly. "I mean spirits, have you seen that waist?"

Agonus pictured _that waist _in his head for a moment. "Tell you what" he said playfully "if you don't ask Asha out by the end of next week I will."

"Don't you dare!" Garrus blurted out but then rapidly curled up as if he was afraid someone would hear him. _Curse his teenage self._

Agonus stopped for a minute to wipe the tear of laughter that was forming in his eye below his scarred forehead head. "You're hopeless, a hopeless closet romantic! Spirits Garrus you're thirteen!"

"Can we _please _change the subject?" Garrus said feeling mortified.

"No. We were talking about Asha's waist yes?"

"Agonus!" Garrus moaned.

"Alright, fine! You're no fun at all." He joked. "So, Specters huh?"

"Running around the galaxy chasing down bad guys with no rules to hold you back…" Garrus let a deep sigh escape his lungs. His eyes twinkled at the thought of the dream that he never really believed would come true. "What's not to love about that? It's like something out of those old fantasy adventure books. Just imagine it!" He was already starting to get lost in his own fantasy which exists only inside his head. Oh how he dreamed. Fantasised of a life full of action, adventure, justice, romance…

"Chasing after hot alien babes from one corner of the galaxy to the next…" Agonus said, ending his mental soliloquy.

Garrus fired another round of rank water at him which made him chuckle. "Is there anything on your mind that doesn't involve sex Agonus?" Garrus said, rolling his eyes.

"Nearly everything has something to do with it; it just depends on how you look at it." He replied smugly which earned him another overly dramatic eye role.

Garrus returned to his mopping duty, trying futilely to polish off the last reminisce of irritating crap from the stained floor. He tried to return to his fantasy about being a Spectre to pass the slow crawling time, but his mind just told him it was just a _stupid _dream. His mood dropped like a sack of weights.

"I'm sick of my dad overshadowing me." The sudden change in tone caught Agonus' attention. "Everyone who meets me says _'oh you're Marcus Vakarian's kid' _and they always, _always _compare me to him. The teachers say _'Marcus was twice as good as you when he was your age' _or _'when you grow up you should be a cop like your dad.' _I'm sick of it._"_ He said with strong animosity.

"I take it you're going somewhere with your monologue."

"My dad is never going to let me be a Specter." He said deflated. All the hopes and wonders vanished from his sub vocals and were replaced by a more morose tone of dejection.

"You don't know that!" Agonus said, trying to restore his friend's faith in his dream. It didn't work.

"Oh but I do."

…

"Could I ask you something?"

"Sure ask me anything"

In all her previous visits to the Einstein's councillor, Shepard never could word the question properly. But since they were to arrive at earth later that day and this was her last chance to ask it she thought: _fuck it._

"I've been having this dream" She started, "it's been the same dream every night for a week, ever since we left Mindoir."

"That's to be expected, people suffering from PTSD tend to get recurrent dreams of what they've experienced." The councillor said, seeming somewhat bored. From what Shepard could tell, she couldn't blame the therapist since she was being quite bland; also, so many people had gone to see her after Mindoir, Zabaleta included. Shepard could see black weights of fatigue under her eyes.

"No this is different," she protested "this dream is completely unrelated." She paused to think. The councillor waited attentively for her to speak. "I'm skiing, which is weird because I've never seen real snow" she drifted slightly "but then there's a sudden avalanche and before I realise what's happening I'm buried under the snow."

"What happens next?"

"It's completely dark and I feel like I can't breathe even though it's a dream. I try to dig myself out but the more I do so the more snow falls in and the more it seems like I'm suffocating… which is silly because it's a dream"

The councillor stared at her curiously "Did you ever get out?"

"No. After a while I just let myself freeze and suffocate so I can wake up." The councillor thought about all that as a whole, yellow light glinted off her glasses as tilted her head in thought.

The councillor spoke "Well dreams consist of our thoughts, images, and emotions that are made as a by-product of our neural processes when we sleep." She shrugged "Some say they're influenced by our conscious experiences. So I don't think that they're completely unrelated to what happened on Mindoir…"

The councillor paused for a moment and then shrugged.

"They're just dreams Alex, they don't really mean anything."

She was a bit disappointed at the sudden anti-climax. "So, should I do anything about them?"

The room fell silent. It seemed to stay silent for an awkwardly long time.

"Record them somehow." She finally said. "Give it to your next councillor and maybe he or she will help you further."

Shepard nodded understandingly. The councillor was tired and needed sleep; she didn't want to be a burden on her. So she said thanks and got up to leave.

"Oh, Shepard one more thing: If you get that same dream again, don't stop digging until you're out of the cold."

She was halfway out the door before she realised what she said. She wasn't quite sure what she meant by it but she made a note to try it if she found herself buried in her dream again. She went back to her room and broke out her ancient sketchbook, now she knew exactly what she was going to draw.


	3. Chapter 3

…_she called his name; it felt like a ghostly whisper brushing the side of his mandible. He swung his head around and his heart jumped out of his chest like a spring as his heavy mandibles fluttered with excitement. He saw her standing on the opposite side of the murky landing pad. He swore the heavy rain fell around her like she was an angelic figure. The whole area seemed to…_

"So…"

Garrus looked up from his book and eyed his sister annoyingly. She sat dead centre on the opposite end of dad's study. Antique wooden bookshelves and antique wooden furniture stood around them, framing Solana with a light of misplaced wisdom. It took one glance at her smug eyes to know that she was telepathically teasing him.

"So what Sol?"

"Oh nothing" she said simply as her seemingly innocent face buried itself back in her book. Garrus knew what she was doing and he was not amused. So he continued with his book.

…_The whole area seemed to flourish with colour. He heart told him to run towards her and fall in her arms, so he did. He ran, oh he ran. It felt so cinematic as if he was…_

"So how did it go?"

Garrus snorted in frustration and pulled his eyes away from his book and condescended over his complacent sister.

"So how did _what_ go? Sol!"

"Oh nothing" Garrus seethed motionlessly. He held his gaze long after Solana's retreated back to her book, giggling. Eventually he gave up and continued.

…_It felt so cinematic as if he was in a vid. She flung her long-coat off and dashed towards him, he never felt so fulfilled by…_

"Did she say yes?"

"Solana!"

Solana burst out laughing. "You're hopeless, such a hopeless stupid romantic." Garrus blushed madly as he tried to ignore his younger sister. He tried again to read his book but Solana already destroyed his immersion. So he thought _fuck it _and stopped reading.

"Yeah, she said yes." He said shyly.

"Well done." She said littering her voice with sarcasm. "It only took you a year and a crap tonne of stellar _wingmanship_ from Agonus for you to man up and do it."

Garrus thought for a moment, trying to formulate what gave it away. He found that he could always rely on logic when he found himself in tight spot. He had many hidden creative talents of course but his fall back net was that of mathematics and probability.

"How did you know?"

"Know what?" his sister replied with a smart ass tone in her sub vocals.

Garrus sighed, exhaling deeply and then inhaling to draw sweet confidence into his lungs. "Know that I asked her out?"

She immediately jumped on his words "Because! You're reading one of the shittiest corniest romance novels to ever grace the scene of Turian literature!"

"It's not corny!" he exclaimed defensively.

Solana stared at him blankly with narrow eyes that spelt I-would-role-them-so-hard-if-I-actually-gave-a-damn. "The title of the book is _'Soul spirit' _I mean _come on _Garrus. Really! It's like the most cliché romance…"

"It's also an adventure book! Not just a romance and besides, it's a best seller."

"Garrus, because something is popular does not mean it's good."

"If something is popular it must be good, otherwise why would so many people like it?"

"It is because people that read it are stupid idiots."

Garrus lobbed his book at Solana in anger; she flung her head back and narrowly dogged the deadly paper projectile.

"Come on G. Take a joke, sheesh." She said as she laughed hysterically which made Garrus even more frustrated.

Suddenly she stopped laughing. She straightened her back, picked up her book and hid her face in it. Garrus didn't have to guess whose footsteps he heard in the doorway. Or to who did the seemingly omnipotent shadow, that casted itself across the floor, belong to.

"You are such a bitch Alex!"

Shepard rolled her eyes and switched to a sarcastic voice.

"So what's the queen of the gossip girls mad about now?"

She turned around to look at Grace who quite clearly wasn't in the mood to beat around the bush. Her normally flawless golden bronze ponytail was let out into angry bushel and sweat was smudging her painstakingly applied makeup. She clearly had been running, though not very fast judging by the not yet spilt smoothie resting in her grip.

"You told him didn't you?"

_Defiantly not in the mood to beat around the bush, _she thought.

"Yeah, I did tell him." Shepard replied matter-of-factly

"Why?" Grace asked, generally dumbfounded as if she couldn't grasp the obvious answer to her question.

"Because you've wanted to ask him to prom for two months, _two months _and it's so damn obvious that he has a crush on you."

Grace paused to think. Shepard could almost imagine the single cobwebbed gear struggling to turn in her head. Shepard loved Grace like a sister, even though at times she could be enormously thick. Anderson introduced Shepard to her and the rest of the Eliza family after dropping her off from the Einstein. Apparently Kahlee Sanders knew the Elizas well, so Anderson convinced them to let Shepard stay with them. They had been kind enough to allow her to live in a separate apartment next door to them to give her some privacy. The Eliza's were kind and wise. They knew when to keep their distance and when to show compassion. It was not quite the happy ending that Shepard had hoped for, but it sufficed.

"So you're saying that you told Cullen that I liked him to… hook me up?"

Shepard cringed like she had just taken a big bite out of a raunchy lemon. "My god. _Like _is such an eternally teenage word. I mean you're legal as of last month and you're still using words like, well, _like!"_ She shook her head.

"Speaking of which," Grace began "You're eighteenth is coming up in two weeks. In fact it is the same weekend as the prom." Grace eyed her slyly. "Got any plans?"

Shepard brushed her off "None."

"God Alex you only turn eighteen once!"

"Just as you only turn nineteen once, or twenty, or twenty one…"

"Don't be such a killjoy!" She sighed. Suddenly an evil smirk appeared on her face "I will have mom throw you a surprise party."

_Oh god. _The last surprise party that her stepmom threw for her ended up in a complete disaster. Now everyone she'd met knew what an embarrassingly crap dancer she was. She can still remember being dragged up onto a stage by Grace and being forced to dance to a _really _campy love song. She could still remember flaying her arms around like a deranged lunatic with not even the slightest sense of rhythm. Just the memory of it made her embarrassed.

"No you will not! I will actually _murder_ you!"

Grace snorted "Oh really? Then you better do something big for your eighteenth or else!" Grace decided to punctuate her sentence with a long sip from her drink. Her coolness was killed abruptly when she saw Cullen standing behind Shepard and spluttered her smoothie all over her, covering her clothes with an icky mess of sweet liquid and saliva.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "I take it Cullen is standing behind me"

Grace nodded whilst trying to hold in the _girliest_ giggle imaginable.

"Smooth."

"Um… have I interrupted something?" A deep gravelly voice came from behind her, confirming Shepard's suspicions.

Shepard grinned and applied a smug voice and stance. "No nothing, just your _girlfriend _randomly regurgitates on people from time to time." _Shepard _punctuated _her _sentence by walking away smoothly, leaving Grace in a fit of snorting and giggling.

"Where's your book?"

Marcus Vakarian's posture was stern, as usual. He waited for his son to respond.

"I… dropped it." He answered nervously.

Marcus wasn't shaken for a second. _He still has so much to learn, _he thought.

"Somehow the book you dropped made its way three meters across the room to rest by Solana's feet?"

"I took it from him." Solana said heroically. "I… teased him about it."

"That would explain the shouting but not the sound of a book flying across the room and hitting my desk."

Garrus said nothing. His father shook his head and walked with impressive presence to sit at his desk. He did it so damn casually.

He didn't need to lecture Garrus this time; he knew what he did wrong. Besides he had harder news to break. He opened up the file that he brought into the room and started examining it.

"So how did it go dad?" Solana asked nervously. She knew the weight of what he was going to say. Garrus felt it too. A few short words could derail everything.

Marcus saw the anxiety in his children's eyes. So he decided to give him the raw truth, no point in coating the bitter words with honey.

"The test results came back positive. Solana you are a biotic just like your mother."

That was the wrong answer and they all knew it. Silence enveloped the room.

"So… What happens to me now?"

"The school doesn't take biotic children. They say biotics gives children an unfair advantage over other students."

"That's not fair!" Garrus exclaimed, outraged. "They shouldn't expel Solana because she has biotics!"

"You're right. But I thought you learnt long ago Garrus that life is not fair." Garrus lowered his head at the thought of that shameful memory. "I have arranged for Solana to go to a good school that specialises in biotic children. Your mother and I have both agreed that the best course of action is to go to Cipritine…"

"What! You can't…" both of his children exclaimed simultaneously, but then seemed to look down in defeat since they knew that their father's word was law.

"How long until we leave?" Solana asked.

"We leave at the end of term."

"The end of term is in two weeks!" Garrus stated.

"Then we leave in two weeks."

"We can't go."

"Why not?" Marcus asked. Garrus looked as if he was trying to form his words, his mandibles fluttered in frustration. "Do you have a good reason to stay here?"

_I know what you want to say. _Marcus thought. Say_ it with confidence, come on son. If you don't say something, if you don't have the stomach to disagree with me, you'll never amount to anything._

Marcus mentally willed his children to protest. He hated how they were so nervous around him. He knew he was cold, he _had _to be. Because he knew that if they managed to break the ice they would both be better off because of it.

The silence continued to stretch out and neither of his children protested further. Soon Marcus felt nearly as defeated as his son and daughter whose heads were facing the ground. _Someday,_ he thought. _Just not today._

"If it makes either of you feel better the Satarian family has also decided to move to Cipritine around the same time as us."

His children both looked up. He knew that they had both grown close to Agonus Satarian. He wasn't deterred by the incident four years ago. He in fact encouraged their friendships. He closed the file and stood up to leave. He picked up Garrus' book and handed it to him.

"I hope that makes this easier on you two." He didn't say anything else before he left.

Marcus was charismatic, but he never had been good with children. His seemingly rare interactions with his children painfully proved this. He knew this better than anyone. He knew that he was better at being a detective than a father.

"Alex! How was your – my god what happened to your shirt?" Mrs Eliza dropped everything she was doing and started mopping up the mess on Shepard's shirt.

Shepard spread out her arms reluctantly and let her stepmom do her work. "Grace had a _little_ accident on the way home."

"Of course she did." She shook her head. "Do you know when she will be back? We have to be out this evening and…"

"I'm here mom" Grace said as if on que.

"How'd it go?" Shepard asked, even though she could tell he said yes thanks to her flushed neck.

Grace took her leave before she could answer.

"Oh by the way you have a visitor, a man is waiting in your apartment."

This was unexpected. Everyone she thought of that would've visited her died on Mindoir.

"Huh. Is he a stalker?"

"Well he's middle aged, balding, slightly overweight and has a nose that could poke your eye out. I certainly hope he's not a stalker."

Shepard shook her head and grinned.

"He said he knew Anderson, so go check him out. But if he turns out to be a stalker just shout and I'll be there with grandpa's assault rifle, Ok?"

_I've been adopted by a bunch of psychos _she thought.

She walked through the clean carpeted corridors on the way to her apartment.

She stopped at her door rummaged through her pocket to find the key then stopped when she realised the door to her room was open. She crept inside pushing the door slowly so she didn't make a sound. She remembered to stop from swing back and crashing shut. She always remembered to do that now after it scared the hell out of her the first time. She could hear two voices in conversation coming from the other room, one she recognised as Smiley, the other she couldn't quite make out.

The next sight that greeted her made her giddy in excitement.

There, planted on a standard wooden easel, lay a small but beautifully framed painted piece of canvas. Shepard recognised it immediately; the page was taken directly out of her sketch book. The page she gave to Anderson the day he left for the command of the Tokyo, which he'd been offered.

She had to take a breath control to stop herself from bouncing when she walked to read the artist label stuck on the outside of the frame.

_Alex Shepard_

_Colonist, Born 2154_

_Titled: Dreams of snow _

_Oil on Canvas 2170_

"Like what you see?"

A familiar voiced hummed into her ears.

"Anderson!" She said with arms flung wide. "I – I don't know what to say."

"Oh god, what a cliché" Smiley materialised next to him.

Shepard didn't mind his comment. "Thank you Anderson, its – amazing"

"Oh don't thank me, thank Smiley, he's the one that had the idea, not to mention he paid for it."

"Smiley… really?" Shepard was legitimately puzzled. She found him alright but Smiley had always seemed like such an ass, it was weird that he decided to go out of the way and do something kind for a change. She felt somewhat beholden to him.

"It's the least I could do" Smiley brushed off. "After all, you had to deal with me being such a shit for two weeks."

"Thank you Smiley"

"Don't mention it, I don't usually – do – kind so I thought that – well" he shrugged "I hope you like it kid."

Shepard struggled to find what else to say; thankfully Anderson saved them both from certain awkwardness. "So, how have the Elizas been treating you?"

"Good, good. I couldn't ask for better. So what are you two doing on earth? The final frontier been treating you well?"

"The Tokyo has been pulled into dry dock. I say thank god seeing at how Anderson's been flying her."

Anderson butted in "I wasn't me who suggested taking a heavy cruiser into the atmosphere of a gas giant!"

"But it was you that agreed with me."

"Seemed like a good idea at the time."

"It paid off didn't it, caught those slavers with their dicks in their hands."

"Yeah but we had to sit there for two days to wait for a Turian frigate to come and tow us out."

"That was a bonus, interspecies co-operation."

"There has to be a better way to improve relations with the Turians than by sending a general distress signal saying 'please can you tow one of our heavy cruisers out of a nearby gas giant because her first officer was stupid enough to—'"

"Hey, it's the first officer's job to second guess the captain, and it's the captain's job to ignore him."

"You two a bickering like an old married couple" Both Smiley and Anderson stopped and looked at Shepard who had been attentively listening to their squabble.

"Well fraternisation is supposed to be against regulations. Though, that doesn't stop half our crew from fucking each other."

"Anyway…" Anderson begun, trying to ignore Smiley's previous comment. "We're in Vancouver for a night before we go to London, do you want to go for a drink?"

"Sure I'd love to."

Smiley decided to butt in annoyingly "Wait, you're still seventeen."

"Yah but my birthday is in less than a week."

"Doesn't matter, we'll get you a mocktail or something."

Shepard sighed "You're such a dick Smiley."

"I know" said Anderson. "You two go on ahead, I'll just catch up with Drax for a bit."

"What if I want to catch up with Drax?" Smiley whined comically.

"I don't think Drax wants to catch up with you Smiley."

_That shut him up _Shepard thought.


	4. Chapter 4

The bar turned out to be quite frigid, supposedly any alfresco establishment would be cold in a breezy Vancouver evening towards the end of March. Shepard felt a little underdressed, only wearing a T-shirt with sleeves stopping at her elbows, but she didn't mind. She let the cool soft wind kiss her skin as she filled her lungs with fresh scent of early spring. She took in the sight of the crimson sun setting over English Bay. The bar was somewhat empty, though there were one or two aliens at the counter which was unsurprising given this day and age. Although, it was still very strange to see a batarian and a turian on Earth given current political standings…

"One Guinness Draught for me, one Red Janey Brand vodka for Anderson, and a virgin lime for the kid." Smiley said as he placed the drinks down on the glass table.

"So, you were serious about the mocktail." Shepard remarked. She took a long sip from her virgin lime. The salt on the rim of the glass beautifully contrasted the frozen sweet and sour lime liquid. It was so rich it made her cheeks scrunch up. She didn't complain. She sat and soaked in the atmosphere for a bit, killing time until Anderson arrived. She wondered whether or not to try and make small talk with Smiley, who was now preoccupied with something on his data pad.

"What's your story Smiley?"

Smiley looked up from his data pad, confused. "What? Like the story of my life?"

"More or less. I want to know what makes you tick."

Smiley looked across English bay; the sun was just dipping under the horizon. "What makes me tick? My heart, lungs, brain and a shit tonne of alcohol. I don't want to depress you with my life's story."

Shepard too looked across English bay, contemplating everything that's happened to her. "Two years ago everyone I ever knew and loved died horribly." She looked back over to Smiley "Depress me? Ha. Try it."

Smiley kept his gaze locked across the bay. "The reason I'm so cynical and laugh at sad things is not because I'm an asshole…" He took a long swig from his beer, draining it impressively until there was nothing left "…but it's because if I don't laugh and joke… I would cry." He singled the waitress for another beer. "I was born in Ireland."

"Really, I heard a lot about it." Shepard said with her eyes wide and inquisitive. "I was thinking about studying there after I finish school."

"Don't. It's a freezing shithole."

"Oh. Well that's clear enough."

Smiley continued his story "Had two brothers: Daniel and Julian. Good guys. My father was an asshole. He used to lock us in closets when we misbehaved. I'm severely claustrophobic thanks to it. My mom didn't allow it. Too bad she died when I was eight. Broke her neck falling down a flight of stairs."

"I'm sorry." Shepard instinctively blurted out.

"Don't bother, that was thirty five years ago." The waitress arrived with another drink and Smiley immediately took a long drink from it. "Day he died was the happiest day of my life."

Shepard considered this. She never met her father. He died in the first contact war.

"Of course I got married later that week." Smiley continued "Cheating bitch, but we will get to that later. Then I went off to fight the first contact war! Wasn't that fun!" He said sarcastically and a little too loudly. Shepard looked up to examine the perimeter. The bar was practically empty. But there was a batarian and a turian sitting at the counter. The batarian was clutching a large data pad but the turian was watching her. He had red colony markings that covered most of his face, ones that Shepard didn't recognise from her lessons at school. They were _very _intimidating.

Smiley downed his second drink. "The only good thing that came out of that war was that I met Anderson." He looked melancholically at the bottom of his empty glass. "Dan was stationed on the Alamo; the ship got destroyed by a turian dreadnought." He picked up the glass and swivelled it around, examining the remaining fluid resting at the bottom. "Julian was killed during the retaking of Shanxi. Shuttle never touched the ground; it was destroyed by an AA tower. Shitty war—"

Smiley turned to look at the turian who was staring at him from across the bar. "Are you alright – _Sir_?" He said with clear hostility. The Turian took an aggressive posture, though Shepard noticed that his batarian friend was more timid than he was, or perhaps more sensible.

"I'm alright, _human_" The turian replied, clear spite in his voice.

"Pacus, don't do anything you'll regret." The batarian said to the red faced turian, he ignored him.

"Looking at something, _Pacus?_" Smiley replied returning his spite.

Shepard had a bad feeling about this. "Smiley!" she whispered "Please don't antagonise him." He ignored her.

"Nothing much, _Smiley_"Pacus replied, obviously overhearing Shepard's comment. "Are we looking at something much, Dres?" He said to his batarian friend.

Dres just shook his head. "Look, Smiley. That is your name right? I'm sorry about my friend, see he's—"

"Couldn't help hear you were talking about the relay 314 incident." Pacus interrupted. "About how much _fun _it was."

Smiley huffed under his breath. "Stupid aliens can't tell when we're being sarcastic."

"Smiley!" Shepard shouted scolding.

"A lot of humans died in that incident." Pacus remarked. Dres tried to apologise for his friend senseless comment but he was sharply cut off by Smiley's aggressive response.

"And I killed a shitload of turians on Shanxi."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Pacus snarled, mandibles flaring like an insect spreading its wings. "Some upstart from an upstart race. What to expect."

Dres tried to calm his friend but Pacus just brushed him off.

Smiley was gradually becoming angrier and angrier. "I'm Miles Hendrix, XO of an alliance warship. So don't piss me off when alliance HQ is five clicks in that direction. What the hell is a batarian and a _turian_ doing on earth anyway."

Dres spoke up, still holding on to his data pad. "I'm a lawyer, my client found his way into an alliance prison and his friend here hired me to clear his name, look we best get going—"

Pacus ignored Dres. "Huh. My expectation of alliance officers is already so low that you'll have to work extremely hard to disappoint me." Pacus was verbally attacking him. However Smiley's responses weren't doing anything to cool the situation.

All of a sudden Smiley jumped up from the table, his chair made a screech as it skidded across the cold stone floor and toppled over. Things were getting out of hand fast. "Are you going to make good on your words you skull faced prick?"

"Fuck sake, Miles! Just let's leave, find another place."

Smiley's turned his rage on Shepard. "The day I leave a bar, on earth, because of some bony-assed fucker is the day my mother rises from the fucking grave!"

The turian also got out of his seat against the best wishes of Dres. They were both sizing the other up. Postures wide, arms ready, alert, both ready to let fly at the other. The bar was deadly silent, the only noise Shepard heard was the cold spring wind whistling by and the sound of her heart drumming away in her chest. The bartender seemed to have disappeared. All Shepard could hope for now is a timely save from Anderson.

"Pacus. You don't want to do this or you will end up in prison." The batarian warned. It was like the words didn't register in the turian's head.

"What do you say we take this outside – _human?_"

Shepard's knees started to shake. Her legs were weak. She couldn't stand up even if she wanted to. She should've brought another layer.

"I'm fine with in here – _turian_"

Shepard thought about running. Getting out of here before things really hit the fan. But she was too terrified to move. She hated these terrifying silences. She was really getting cold, her body was shaking. Her hands were numbing.

"Ha! You humans are cowards. You're like a toothless old _Murilega cat; _Trying to frighten away a predator with your roar."

"Keep talking and you'll find this _old cat_ is not as toothless as you think!"

Pacus just laughed. "Your balls must be tiny human."

"They're bigger than yours turian."

Their eyes were intensely locked. Smiley stood in the doorway. The sun had already set. Pacus stood on the other end of the bar, eyes growling, mandibles posturing, teeth being bared. His red marking seemed to glow menacingly in the dark. Shepard soon found it difficult to breath. Or was she breathing too fast?

"We should've bombed you back to the stone age." Pacus growled.

Smiley grinned. "Your Hierarchy is pathetic. Give it a few years you turians will be outcast like those snivelling krogan!"

That was it. That was the spark.

Pacus jerked forward. Dres grabbed his shoulder to stop him. The turian swung at his face, his punched cracked across his skull and the batarian flopped to the ground, data pad still in hand.

Smiley saw his ticket and took it. He kicked the glass table; the top flew halfway across the room and shattered. Shepard screamed, drowning out the sound of broken glass. She froze up and fell to the floor. Her arm hit the ground first. Her body followed on top of it, bending it in an unnatural way. She found herself immobilized by pain, her arm twisted and throbbing.

Smiley hurled a chair that flew through the air like a bullet at Pacus which he deflected. Pacus sprinted across the room.

He met the human in the centre where broken glass was scattered all over the dimly lit bar. He moved surprisingly fast for a man his age and weight. Pacus drew a silver knife from his back; the cold steal glinted in the dim bar light. Smiley disarmed him efficiently; the knife flew across the room.

He delivered a kick to Pacus' gut, stunning the turian. He didn't waste any time. He struck him right in the centre of the face. Of course he'd been taught the quickest way to disable a turian.

Pacus clawed blindly at him, talons scratching the thin air barely missing Smiley's face. Smiley kneed him and soon had his head in an arm lock. The turian retaliated by reaching blindly for a bottle and breaking it across Smiley's skull, glass and liquid flying everywhere. Pacus pounded Smiley's ears, slapping them with both talons simultaneously deafening him momentarily. He then kicked the human in the face and he fell backward onto another glass table, it smashed as he fell through it.

The turians face was covered with blue blood. Shepard caught a glimpse of Smiley's shredded shirt, glass sticking into his arm. His nose was clearly broken. Blood flowed from his nostrils. The fighting was brutal.

Smiley kicked the turian off his feet and he fell to the glass ridden floor. He pounced on him, delivering blows to his face that left blue blood on the ends of his fists. The turian retaliated by kicking the relentless human off him. They wasted no time in getting up.

Their jaws were clenched. Punches was thrown and deflected and countered with vicious grunts and shouts. He caught the turian's leg in mid kick and twisted. Shepard felt a ghostly pain in her leg as he did it. Pacus swivelled and scratched clean across the human's face leaving deep red marks that soon filled with blood.

Smiley dived on him; the sheer weight of him brought them both thundering to the ground. They fell like a sack of meat. The human grabbed hold of the turian's mandible and snapped it off. It made a sound like bones snapping. Pacus squeal in pain. He managed to move Smiley's hand away and bite off his ear. The human got up and turned his back, cradling his shredded ear.

Pacus got up after him. Red blood dripping from his moth plates matching the colour of his colony markings. Sub vocals humming in anger. Knife in hand.

"Smiley!" Shepard screamed in warning.

Smiley looked towards her, turning his back on the turian behind him. Their eyes locked. Suddenly he realized how stupid he'd been. How stupid that he got into a fight with a turian. How blindingly racist he'd been. How absent minded he was. What a poor representation of a human he'd let himself become.

A knife appeared in his chest. It stuck out like a deadly rose thorn. It went straight through his heart. Pacus was behind him, eyes still furious.

"No!" Shepard cried, as if that would change anything.

Smiley fell to his knees. His sad regretful eyes sparked a tear as they looked down to see the cold steal knife sticking out from his chest. Then he started to laugh. Demonically, cynically, hauntingly. The laugh nearly made her heart stop.

His lifeless body fell to the floor and flopped like a fish on a line. The wide smile was still present on his face.

Shepard shot up. Her veins pumped with adrenalin and her heart pulsated at dangerous speeds. The pain in her arm was gone and all her thoughts and logical thought was replaced by the lust for vengeance.

Pacus was ready with the knife. He threw a stab at Shepard's gut but she miraculously caught is arm before the knife entered her soft belly. She found a weak point and twisted. The knife found its sheath in the belly of the turians. His entire body went rigid as she threw him to the floor. He wobbled on the ground like a wooden soldier.

She drew the knife from his belly and stabbed the turian in the centre of the face. She was screaming, her throat was beginning to hurt.

She stabbed his face again, screaming as she did it. Blue blood squirted all over the glass ridden floor. She brought the knife and stabbed him in the eye. It burst.

Her mind didn't know what she was doing. Instinct completely took over as she stabbed him, again, and again, and again, and again.

Her vision started to darken as less oxygen reached her brain. She could taste the rusty blue blood that entered her mouth. Pacus' was no longer recognisable. His face was caved in by her attacks. Bits of bone, brain and plates littered the floor. Soon his head was nothing more than a pulpy mash of bone, blood, and brain.

Shepard was going to pass out. She felt sick; she was going to throw up. She felt faint, she felt like she was in a surreal dream like she was back on Mindoir.

"Shepard!" A familiar voice screamed. A strong hand caught her arm mid swing and disarmed her. Her vision started to blacken with purple haze.

The last thing she saw before she passed out was Anderson's speechless eyes looking at her.


	5. Chapter 5

Garrus did exactly what the doctor told him to do. Now all he could do was wait as the doctor wrote his diagnosis.

He tried not to feel too anxious about what the doctor was about to say. After all, he knew life was hardly fair. So he looked to his mother and tried to mimic her calmness.

His dad promised him when they moved back to Cipritine he would teach Garrus how to shoot. That is if he got good grades. Good with his father really meant perfect and for Garrus that seemed nearly impossible.

Garrus worked his ass off for three months to get them. Partly because he wanted to learn how to shoot. But mainly because he didn't want to disappoint his father. He went from the bottom of the class to the top of the class for every subject except alien studies.

Of course his social life suffered, but that was the sacrifice he chose to make. He lost all contact with Asha within the first week of moving, he wasn't surprised. He wasn't naïve enough to think that it would last. Though that didn't make it hurt any less. He was still close to Agonus. Though Agonus had formed quite a following of friends recently. Garrus joined in sometimes. Popping out witty remarks which he was becoming known for. He swore Agonus had something with his sister but he didn't mind or much care.

All that hard work seemed like it was finally about to pay off when his mom announced that his father was coming home for the school holidays. But then his vision started to blur distractingly.

At first Garrus thought it was just eyestrain from the hard work that he'd been slaving away at. But it kept persisting so he knew something was wrong. He thought about keeping quite about it, at least until his dad came back.

But doing that would be unintelligent, he thought, unintelligent and extremely selfish.

His father always talked about the responsibility of managing a weapon. "A weapon is never a toy Garrus," he used to say as he took his toy guns away from him. "Especially a gun. When handling it you hold ultimate power over a man's life. You can end it with an impulsive or accidental twitch of a talon. It is my job to use that power to protect the innocent. I cannot afford to be reckless and neither can you, because we wont be the only ones paying for it."

I know father, he thought. I want to learn how to use a gun to stop injustice and help people.

He didn't want to think about what would happen if he accidently shot someone because he couldn't see properly; if an innocent died because of his selfishness. What ultimately convinced him to not keep quite about it was the thought that he could kill someone he knew and loved, like his sister. He couldn't stand the thought of it.

"Mrs Vakarian," The doctor said, interrupting Garrus' train of thought. "From what I can tell, Garrus has a classic case of amblyopia."

His mother remained composed. "Can it be treated?"

"Yes. It seems we caught it quite early on. Although it is not normal to find a case of amblyopia in a fourteen year old. If left untreated for too long, it can lead to irreversible damage to vision."

"So how should we treat it doctor?" Asked his mother.

The doctor ruffled around his ancient drawers to find a data pad. "Conventional treatment is easy and cheep. It involves covering the strong eye up in order for the brain to focus on developing the weak eye. Treatment will take a couple of months at most."

Garrus' mandibles contracted in disappointment. He understood everything fine, but it wasn't fair. Life never is, he reminded himself. Garrus still accepted this, but that didn't mean he wasn't disheartened.

His mother heard the disappointment in his sub vocals. What she said next would change his life. "What would be a more unconventional treatment?"

The doctor swiveled around in his chair and reached for a silver box on the top shelf of his cupboard. He placed it on the desk littered with data pads in font of them and Garrus swore he saw it glint.

"Instead of wearing an eye patch he can wear this over his weak eye."

He opened the case to reveal a silver blue visor. Garrus immediately fell in love with it. It was so sleek and so defined and flamboyant and, most importantly, it was blue.

"It costs 5000 credits," Said the doctor.

Spirits, he thought, no way my—

"I'll take it," announced his mother.

Garrus looked to her, his face lit up in awe. She simply nodded acknowledging his gratitude. She knew how important this was to her son.

Garrus put the visor on, slotting it comfortably behind his fringe. His vision was crystal clear, he could get used to wearing this.

…

"Solana!"

"Father!" Solana cried as the 13 year old biotic hugged her father.

"You've grown since I last saw you." He said as he rubbed her head and turned attention to his son. "Garrus, I saw your report."

Garrus took a deep breath. Even though he was fairly confident, he knew his father would always start at the weakest link.

"Your alien studies effort and attainment grades are still very poor." He said coldly.

"I know, but you can't be good at everything."

"But you can at least try and put an effort into doing well."

Solana still hung onto her father awkwardly as Garrus simply nodded, not knowing anything else to say.

"But other than that," his father continued. "You have put so much effort into all your other subjects I would be foolish to ignore it. You clearly had great determination and had to make some great sacrifices to these grades." He took him by both shoulders and said "I'm so proud of you son."

I'm proud son.

Fourteen. Garrus was Fourteen and that is probably the second time in his life he has ever heard his father say those words.

Garrus fell into a hug with his father and his sister. He was thankful that he avoided an emotional breakdown in the middle of a landing pad.

…

"This is a gun," his father said, handing him a gun her recognized as the M2 Predator. "It is not a toy," he reminded him. "Only aim this at someone if you have the intension to shoot and face the consequences." He showed Garrus how change thermal clips and how to turn off the safety. "Never point this towards yourself with the safety on, understand?"

"Yes dad."

"Good. Look over there," he pointed to the three metal targets that were at the other side of the empty shooting range. Three targets stood fifty meters away from them in front of a silver grassy hill. "Stand with your feet balanced, shoulder width apart, and only shoot when I say you can."

Garrus lifted the pistol in line with his eye and aimed for the middle target. His visor was a massive help, he could read the score points on the targets. He felt the trigger in his long fingers perfectly. It was so tempting just to squeeze the trigger and fire but he remained patient.

"You can go when you're ready, remember to watch out for the kick."

He sucked in his breath to try and control his heartbeat. He anticipated the shot, visualized it hitting the target. He carefully closed his fingers around the trigger, holding his breath as he did it. The trigger snuck closer to the firing point. He was dead still.

His hands shot backwards and he saw a flash of light strike out of the barrel. And then he heard the shot. The sound cracked against ears at lightning speed and they started to ring.

He heard his fathers muffled voice over the ringing, though he couldn't make out what he said.

"What?"

"You missed." He said a little louder.

Garrus looked down the firing lane; the bulled hit the forehead of the wrong target. He laughed.

"How do you know I wasn't aiming for that one?"

His father grunted a chuckle. "You going to try again or what?"

Garrus looked down the range, straight down the gun so the sights were exactly on the heart of the target. He held his breath to steady his waving arms and fired. The shot cracked and echoed, it didn't deafen him this time. The bullet fell short of the target.

"You're going to have to do better than that." His father said.

Garrus lifted the gun and didn't waste any time lining up his shot. Instead he just fired. It hit the target this time, right in the crotch plates.

His father laughed. "What did he ever do to you?" and gestured for him to fire again.

He fired again and missed. He kept firing until his thermal beeped. He turned to his father expecting him to tell him what to do better. Instead he handed him another thermal clip. Garrus grinned.

Four hours later Palaven's crimson sun was setting and countless thermal clips littered floor. Garrus emptied his last heat sink, all fifteen shots planted directly into the metal target's brain.

His father was smiling. "Next time we'll try something a little bigger." He said as he patted his son on his shoulder. Marcus Vakarian didn't have to use is words to tell his son how he felt.

Twice in one day, Garrus thought, this is a new record. Now I have to try and beat it.


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard knew she was dreaming. She didn't want to wake herself up like she had done so many times before because now her dream seemed kinder than her reality.

She dreamt that she was her innocent four-year-old self, frolicking in long silver green grass under the pink evening sky of Mindoir. Her mother told Alex Shepard and her siblings to play outside whilst she spoke to the dark skinned alliance soldier. Her mother knew something was wrong when another soldier returned from the First Contact War instead of her husband. That didn't stop the tears from flowing. Her family was distraught by this. Their neighbors baked them a cake to try and cheer them up. It was yellow and it tasted sour.

Shepard never met her father. She never even saw a photo of him, her mother kept all of them secret. All that she had of him was the stuffed toy the dark toned soldier with the gruff voice gave her.

"He made this for you," he said.

It was a lion. She kept it closer than anyone.

That memory faded in time and was replaced with another. She was nine again, stomping around the prefab with her toy star ship in hand. Her older sister, Chloe, told her to shut up and stop making so much noise. Josh, her older brother, told Chloe to stop being such a killjoy. Her pale mother sat in her chair, smiling and looking at her children with large sad eyes. They were all she had left.

Shepard used to dream about being a wise captain of a star ship like the ones in the old vids. She would look up at the milky splash of stars at night and wonder with beautiful wide eyes: _what is out there?_

Shepard was fourteen again and she only had two things on her mind: getting a date and painting. None of her relationships lasted very long. People were always too damn pushy and wanted to take things too quickly. Things were better on the painting side of things. Her art teacher was so impressed by one of Alex's drawings that she offered to put it into a local art gallery. Alex refused; she said it was for her mother. It was a painting of what she thought her father looked like. Her mother cried when she gave it to her and asked her to burn it. So she did.

She flashed forward two years and was face to face with the person she thought she loved. They were naked in the long grass and the stars were out that night. It was underage. She didn't care. She thought it was genuine. She thought that he understood her and cared about her because he decided to take it slow whilst all the others wanted to rush her into bed. Turns out he wanted the same thing, only he was more patient, and a lot more horrible underneath.

He told everyone about it. She was the laughing stock of her entire hamlet; she couldn't go anywhere without being labeled by the dreaded four-letter word _slut._

Her mother saw her daughter's distress, though Alex kept everyone at a distance, even her poor lonely mother. The only friend she had for a long time was her father's toy. Eventually the buzz started to die down but she was still laughed at from time to time. But then the batarian pirates came. No one was left alive to laugh at her.

She flashed forward again and was sitting in the cold metal interrogation room of the SSV Einstein. She was scared, shaken, speechless, and sorry. She stormed out and left after a fight with her mother, when she returned her prefab was on fire with her mother inside it. No matter how many times she cried _'mommy I'm sorry' _to her lifeless melting corpsuntil her throat bled,she couldn't rinse away the bitter taste of regret or the sick feeling of grief in her gut.

That was until Anderson waltzed into the room with a warm mug of hot water and a bag of sweet chocolate and they started talking about her father.

Shepard woke up and she snapped back to her bitter reality set two years after her dream ended. She was in a cold metal interrogation room like that of the Einstein, but things were different.She had blue blood smothered all over her face. _I am a murderer, _she thought. Tomorrow was her eighteenth birthday.

Anderson stormed into the room. This time he carried a small load of data pads. He sat himself across from Shepard. His body language was frosty, his face; unreadable.

"Tell me again what happened." He said sternly, letting no emotion in his voice.

Shepard stopped for a minute to try and remember how to speak, or to think. When she spoke her voice came out shaken.

"We were at the bar waiting for you. Miles… Smiley got into a fight with a turian," her voice wavered. "Things heated up too quickly, we should've left but Smiley was too stubborn. The turian stabbed him in the heart."

Anderson nodded slowly as he processed this. "I think I've known Smiley for about twenty years… I guess its 'I knew' now."

"I lost it," Shepard continued, "I got mad and took the knife from him and killed the turian. And that's when you came.

"You did more than kill him. You drove the knife so many times into his skull we had to use a DNA test to ID him."

"I know!" Shepard sobbed has she threw her hands forward to hide her head in them. This painfully reminded Anderson of the first time he met Shepard. The frightened sixteen-year-old girl that survived the hellhole that was the batarian raid on Mindoir. "I know." She repeated solemnly. "He killed Smiley."

"I know, and you killed him. He had a family, you know? He was on earth because his wife boarded the wrong transport and she ended up in prison here. Now she's never going to see her husband again, neither will their children."

Tears pricked in her bloodshot eyes. "Why are you telling me this Anderson?"

"Because it's the truth. Because you tore apart their family. Because you need to claim responsibility for what you've done."

She understood. She sat in an uncomfortable silence for what seemed like an hour.

"What will happen to me now?" she asked. Her tone reminded Anderson again of the scared girl they picked up on Mindoir. But now she was no longer a girl.

"The Eliza family has disowned you," Anderson said. Shepard's limbs and head tingled in horrible warm guilt and shame. Her foster family had been so kind to her. "They had no choice. It was that or face charges for child neglect. I know, it sounds stupid." Anderson paused just to let her register that. And to soften the blow of what he was about to say.

"You have two choices Shepard," she looked up and paid attention attentively. "One is you go to court, worst case scenario you will be sentenced to twenty-five years in prison."

Shepard's heart stopped. _Twenty-five years of my live. Gone._

"What's my other option?" she nearly cried, her voice cracking. She hoped for a good answer.

"Join the military on your eighteenth birthday, first thing tomorrow."

She thought for a moment to let that sink in. _You got off lucky, _she thought. _Military life can't be that bad. You got more than you deserved._

"I'll sign up for the military Anderson."

He nodded. After a while he spoke, "I'm not disappointed Shepard, you know that right?"

Shepard didn't know how to respond.

Anderson sighed. "Well… I guess I have to explain to my friends why Smiley won't be joining us." He got up to leave but turned around in the doorway.

"One more thing Shepard: If you need anything, don't hesitate to contact me. My door will always be open, no matter what you do."

…

Garrus hated these confrontations with his father. His father would sit coolly and comfortably behind his desk in his study whilst Garrus was forced to stand in the spotlight. _But this needs to be done, _he thought. _This is my life, my dream. Why can't I be allowed to chase it?_

"I know what you're asking me to do son. But I cannot allow it." He said sternly.

"Why not? I'm fifteen. I have been in military training for six months. I am capable of making my own decisions!"

"Are you?" His father said. His sub harmonics became stricter and icier like he was addressing a subordinate rather than a son.

Garrus paused and thought. He gathered up all his points and spoke. "Yes. Six months I have been in military training." He spoke confidently and with authority. "Six months and the instructors have said I am the best natural leader they have ever seen. I am top in my class for hand-to-hand combat; I can beat the instructors in tactical and planning simulations and the senior drill instructor says I'm the best damn shot on this side of Palaven. And I have been offered a candidacy for the specters and you are denying it?"

"I'm glad you're not blind enough to see that I haven't." He replied dryly.

"Why?"

"Because you have not learnt," his is father said. He looked at Garrus with the same gaze he reserved for the hardest criminals in his C-Sec interrogations.

Garrus couldn't hide the anger from his sub harmonics. "Why can't you see that I have?" He was fuming. His sharp hand gestures and mandibles were going wild. "I have learnt _so _much. I have learnt patience! I have learnt how to endure! I have learnt how to be just and fair and open minded! I have learnt not to be irrational or impulsive! I have learned to take responsibility for my actions! I have learnt to sacrifice my wills or desires for the benefit of others and the state. I have learnt that life is not fair. I have learnt not to be naïve. I HAVE LEARNT TO BE A _GOOD TURIAN_!"

"YOU ARE _NOT _A _GOOD _TURIAN!"

Garrus went white and all his anger was replaced with fear. His father's voice bellowed like the fog horn of a ship. It was commanding and he was sure everyone in a fifty mile radius heard it. His father never shouted instead he usually left his sun to brood in his silence, but not this time.

"You have not learned humility! You may have learned to be patience but you have not learned the _value_ of patience! You may have learned to take responsibility for your own actions but you have not learned _how to be _responsible!" His father got out of his chair and blew past all of Garrus' invisible barriers with his words and reduced him to nothing. "Most importantly you haven't learned to be wise! SO YOU CERTAINLY HAVE NOT LEAREND TO BE A _GOOD_ TURIAN!"

Garrus almost let the tears fall out of his eyes. _No. You're fifteen you can't be acting like a fledgling, _he thought. He looked up to face his father but immediately turned away from his disappointed face.

His father calmed down and sat back into his seat. "Get out." He ordered.

Garrus slammed the doors open and left. Solana had rushed up to her father's study to see what all the shouting was about and she saw her brother's distraught face. His head was at his feet when he stormed past.

"Garrus what's—"

"Go away Sol." He pleaded, sub vocals cracking.

She didn't follow him as he left the house.

Garrus ran down the street to find a corner where no one would see him. He planted his back against the wall and screamed; venting all his anger disappointment and frustration out with one cry. He pummeled his fist on the floor repeatedly. His hand throbbed. He didn't care.

_I'm sick of it, _he thought. _He will not hold me back again. I'm sick of it! I hate it! He does not care! All he cares about is—_

He stopped his line of thought.

_I'll show him— I'll show him that he can be proud of me, as a father should be of his son._


	7. Chapter 7

The potent buzz of the electric razor was the only sound that accompanied Shepard along with some ancient earth propaganda song about fighting a war somewhere far away. She saw locks of her long wavy copper red hair fall over her eyes and to the floor. Her mind was blank. She saw her hair fall off in the mirror to be replaced by her bald scalp. The whole thing somehow didn't feel real. _This is the rest of my life, _she thought.

She stood in a bland room with twenty bunk beds and no colour. Everyone stood straight with shaved heads as the senior drill instructor barked out insults.

"I do not discriminate amongst men, women, sexuality, race, appearance; here you are all equally worthless!"

_I know what she's doing, _she thought, _classic dehumanisation. Get us psyched up to kill, doesn't matter who. _

She was lost in thought when the drill instructor came to her. Her sharp angry grey eyes could eat away at your head and she had a voice that could make the toughest soldier stiffen up to attention. Her face was old and scarred; she looked like he'd seen a thousand battles in her time and each one hardened her up like old wrinkly leather.

"What is your name private?"

"Alex Shepard, Sir!"

"Shepard huh? So are you the type of girl that gets a little too friendly with the animals?"

"Sir, no Sir!"

"Bullshit! I bet you could milk a cow without even using your hands!"

"…Sir, I haven't tried that yet Sir!"

That earned her a snicker from the tall boy next to her which he immediately regretted as the gunnery sergeant's rage was now directed at him.

"What the fuck is your name private?"

"Sir, Kyle Roberts, Sir!"

"So Private Robert's do you think the old farm girl here's funny?"

"Sir?"

"Are you deaf private?"

"Sir, no Sir"

"Then answer the fucking question! Do you think Shepard here is funny?"

"Sir, I guess so Sir!"

"You guess? So how many times do _you guess_ you'll have to laugh at her shitty jokes before she sucks your cock?"

"Sir!?"

"Do you suck dicks?"

"Sir, no Sir!"

"Bullshit! I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!"

"Sir, no Sir!"

"Then I'll ask you again, how many times do you think you'll have to laugh at her shitty jokes before she sucks your cock?"

"Sir… I… uh… fourteen… I guess Sir!"

It took every fiber of Shepard's being not cringe and laugh on the floor.

"I guess you're a fucking ladies' man! Private ladies' man! If I catch you fraternizing with anyone here I'll chop off your balls and sell them to a krogan!"

The gunnery sergeant turned her attention back to Shepard.

"Swell, we've got another fucking comedian here. I can't call you Private Joker because we've already had one of those. I like _Shepard, _do you want me to call you that?"

"Sir, yes Sir!"

"Good well you better answer my next questions very fucking carefully."

"Sir, yes Sir!"

"Private Shepard! Why did you join the alliance?"

_Sir, because I had no choi_ce _Sir!_ She thought.

"Sir, to kill Sir!" she said.

"Kill anyone in particular Private?"

"Sir… aliens Sir!"

"Why aliens? Are you a xenophobe and an animal lover Shepard?"

"Sir, no Sir. It's just most aliens are our enemy Sir!"

"Really? And how are you going to defeat that enemy Private?"

_With good diplomacy, rationalism, peace, love._

"Sir, by following orders Sir!"

"Why Shepard you're a goddamn fucking genius! Keep talking like that and you'll be a fucking fleet admiral one day!"

She took a much needed exhale after she left. _Jesus Christ. What a blind bitch. _She inhaled again, letting oxygen back into her brain. _I supposed it's not her fault, it's her job._

As she went around the room spitting her vulgarity at everyone, Shepard made a note to remember her fellow soldiers' real names as well as the nick names that she allocated them.

_The man next to me is Kyle Roberts aka Ladies' Man, _she thought. _That one's Geoffry Toombs aka Tin Man. That one's Racheal Lawrence aka Soccer Mom. That one's Cullen Turing aka Farm Boy. That one's Grace Eliza aka Princess… Grace Eliza?_

Shepard could not believe her eyes when she saw her step sister. _Or I suppose its ex-step sister now._ She thought.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you Princess –" the gunnery sergeant continued "—but we don't serve free makeup and hairspray in the alliance!"

"Sir, no Sir!" Grace squeaked.

_What the fuck is she doing in basic?_

"Everyone I've seen here is an unorganized waste of stinking amphibian shit! You are no different poster girl! You will not like me! I will be hard! You will not receive special treatment! I will PT you until you fucking die! You hear me?"

After four hours of intense PT, Shepard's muscles felt like knotted jelly. She got her plate of gruel and slumped herself on Grace's table.

"What the _fuck _are you doing in basic?"

Grace laughed. "Well it's good to see you too Alex."

"Seriously Grace, you never stuck me as the _military _type."

"Oh why Alex!" she said in mock seriousness "I'm deeply offended! Just because I look like a princess doesn't mean I'm not hard as nails underneath."

Shepard sighed. _Yeah have you seen your nails, I bet they could break if I just blew on them._

"Oh fine!" said Grace. "You're no fun at all. I've been offered a modeling opportunity from the alliance. Along with it comes six months in basic and another three months service. Besides I wanted to keep you company."

"That explains why you didn't get your head shaved. But why here? With your looks you could land a modeling job anywhere in the galaxy."

"Why thanks Shepard I didn't know you felt that way about me." Shepard shot her another _I'm being serious _look and Grace conceded. "Fine," she said, applying a more serious tone. "What happened to you on Mindoir was _seriously _fucked up. The alliance needs more men and women to protect our colonies from batarian raids. And if putting my face and body on alliance recruiting posters increases enlistment then I'll happily do my part."

Shepard didn't know what to say. Her mind was utterly blown away by this uncharacteristically selfless act.

But then she realized…

"Wait, does your presence here have anything to do with _him _being here." She gestured towards the empty table where Cullen, the boy she had been chasing for months, was sitting.

Grace flushed a deep red. "Well maybe a little." She said as she got up to join him.

Alex laughed and rolled her eyes. _Of course. _"If gunnery Sergeant _Bitchwoman_ finds out then I don't think even god can help you!"

Intense didn't even begin to describe basic training. Each day was harder than the last with more difficult and dangerous obstacles and tasks to overcome rounded off by long hard marches. Grace did well for someone of her nature, preforming tasks to above what was expected of her. However it was Alex Shepard who adapted to every scenario and outperformed everyone else in her unit. After all, the rest of her life was going to be in the military whether she liked it or not, might as well put it to good use. She was soon becoming Sergeant Chaser's (or as Shepard like to call her Sergeant Bitchwoman's) favorite, though that certainly was not a good thing. She got the treatment of someone taking advanced training instead of basic.

"I will PT you until you fucking die!" Those familiar words greeted the platoon's ears. "Everyone give me thirty, Shepard give me ninety!"

Shepard was exhausted and her now defined muscles were already torn and hurt like hell from before.

"Sir, may I ask you a question Sir?"

"Yes you may Private Shepard!"

"Sir, why do I have to do three times the work load of everyone else in the platoon Sir?"

"Because you're three times the soldier of every one of these rat shit poor excuses for human beings! Are we clear?"

_No we are not._

"We're clear Sir!"

Everything Sargent Chaser put on her she did. Every impossible task that she was forced to burden on her back she overcame. She was an unstoppable force in motion. As other recruits buckled and snapped she kept on going. She was a favorite amongst her platoon thanks to her amiability. Shepard even showed herself to be a natural leader and a hell of a shot.

"Private Shepard!" The gunnery sergeant's voice seemed to drown out the sound of rifle fire.

"Yes Sir?"

"Am I ever going to find something you're not good at?"

"I don't know Sir." She shot the one hundred meter target three consecutive times in the forehead. Then once in the eyes, mouth, nipples, navel and genitals just to show off.

"Shepard!"

"Yes Sir?"

"How do you feel about N training?"

"Sir?"

…

Garrus and Agonus sat in the waiting room for the final practical exam. It was the _indomitus _test. No one ever past it. It was designed to be unwinnable. It was the ultimate no-win scenario and Garrus was pretty confident. So was Agonus who was being as boisterous as usual.

"Here's a good one," Agonus started, "how many humans does it take to activate a dormant mass relay?"

Garrus laughed. "Oh I know this one. Six hundred and two, six hundred to vote on it, one to—"

"Garrus" Agonus cut off.

"What?"

A smug ass smile started to appear on his face. "I think I've just spotted our third squad mate." He said as he pointed behind Garrus.

"Who is it?" he said as he turned around.

"An old friend"

Then he saw her.

_Oh crap._

"Oh crap!"

"Still like those hips Garrus?" Agonus teased.

There on top of a small flight of stairs stood Asha looking as flamboyant as ever; hips looking as soft and curvy as ever. Face looking a smug as ever with her rare purple colony markings. It had been twelve months since he'd been with her and ten months since he'd found out she cheated. Some long lost rage seeped back into his mind. She clearly recognized him judging by the way she looked at him. She didn't seem surprised. She looked like she was expecting him.

"Satarian, Vakarian!" Instructor Skelleg ordered as he came out of the simulator room. "Meet Asha Calligulas. She's a biotic and the top hand-to-hand specialist of the female training regiment; I think you guys will work well together."

"Good to see you again Garrus." She said in a mock sultry tone.

The instructor looked surprised. "You know her Vakarian?"

"I think the correct expression is _knew _Sir." Replied Garrus casually.

"Knew well," Agonus muttered. "Knew _very_ well."

"I see." Instructor Skelleg looked conflicted.

"I'm sure this won't be a problem Sir," Ahsa spoke up, "Will it Garrus?" she said slyly.

"Of course not."

_Though those hips could be awfully distrac— Come on Garrus what's wrong with you?_

"Good then." Skelleg said. "No one has beaten this simulation in two hundred years. The last people who beat the _indomitus _test went on to become Turian legends. If anyone can break that dry streak it's you three. Any questions?"

Garrus grinned. "Can we go in now?"

The objective was simple. Take out all the hostiles without getting your barriers taken down by their concussive rounds. Only the setting was a little less simple. They stepped through the simulator doors and dropped down into what was a literal field of fire.

_This is going to be fun_.

"Skelleg are you seeing this?" Nihlus asked in disbelief.

"Yes. They're the best I've seen in years."

"And his father blocked his candidacy for the specters?"

"He's Marcus' son."

"Ah, no wonder." Nihlus looked closely at Garrus who was taking down enemies systematically. "Look at him; I don't think I've seen a better shot." He examined him carefully and watched the way he directed his squad. "Could we hear what they're saying?"

Skelleg laughed nervously "heh, I don't think that's the wisest idea."

"Come on, how bad could it be?"

"Your funeral," Skelleg said as he tapped him in reluctantly.

_-How 'bout when I say lift, you fucking lift instead of putting down a singularity that could rip my face off! Lift those targets!-_

_-I'm sorry Garrus but I don't think I could make your face any uglier!-_

_-You two stop talking and shoot!-_

_-Shut up Agonus and overload those drones!-_

_-Sniper on the ridge!-_

-_Headshot!-_

_-Show off!-_

_-Those drones Agonus!-_

_-Got it... Is he a good a shot as you remember Asha?-_

_-What do you mean?-_

_-I mean, is his aim on the battlefield as good as his aim in the—_

_-Fuck off Agonus! We never—_

_-What the hell are you talking about?-_

_-Shut up and flank him!-_

"Point taken Skelleg." Nihlus said trying to shake the dirty tones of their sub harmonics out of his ear canals.

"So, what do you think of them. Are they ready for your special program?"

The newly appointed Specter Nihlus thought for a moment before answering. "Well it looks like they've just beaten the _indomitus _test which hasn't been done in two hundred years; it's certainly going to make the headlines tomorrow." He thought carefully about his choices. He didn't want to make a rash decision that could destroy three months of careful planning and collaborating with the Systems Alliance. "I'll appoint one of them with my liaison team. Only one, all three could mix in a way that produces a volatile substance. We can't have anything like that when we're trying to build bridges not blow them up."

"Understood. I'd like to recommend Vakarian to go with the team, he seems most capable." _And he'd give the rest of the recruits a chance in the lime light._

Nihlus shook his head. "Knowing Marcus, I doubt he'd let his son partake."

"Couldn't you try to convince him?"

"The man's as stubborn as a clogged krogan toilet, besides he won't listen to me now that I'm a Specter."

Skelleg felt somewhat sorry for Garrus. "So what's the plan now Nihlus."

"We wait," he said. "I'll find other opportunities for Garrus, perhaps ones that his father would more easily accept. Otherwise we wait until their training is over before we make the transfer. Speaking of which, I've heard some interesting rumors from our alliance associates, rumors about some Garrus Vakarian equivalent on their side of things."

Skelleg's face lit up. Soldiers like Vakarian were extremely rare, he was very intrigued.

"Really? What's his name?"

"I think the question is: what's _her _name…"


	8. Chapter 8

The wind rolled from north of the landing pad. The livid gale whisked over Garrus' hands making them cold. Turians hated the cold.

"Well, I guess this is it G." Solana said to her brother.

Garrus' eye plates lifted curiously. "This is it? You make it sound so final."

Solana laughed. It was short. Her blue biotic eyes looked sad. "Well you're going active duty. Off on some space mission…" She trailed off.

Solana knew about her brother's assignment. Six months in deep space on a Turian frigate. _He was nineteen, _she thought. _He can handle himself. _It made her quite sad actually. Her brother was all grown up. They used to get into all sorts of trouble, going off on adventures when they were young and innocent. Some nights they would return late and covered in mud. Their mother would be 'worried to death.' _"You two will drive me into an early grave."_ She used to say. He was her brother that she grew to love, that stood up for her as she stood up for him. And despite their playful love hate relationship, he was the brother that she cared about unconditionally. _I'll kiss his ass before I admit that to his face._ She thought.

Garrus smiled reassuringly. "Look I know you're worried about Agonus…" He looked towards his best friend who waiting patiently at his shuttle ready to say goodbye… not to Garrus, he already said goodbye to Garrus…

Agonus had been given the assignment that Garrus wanted, not because he was chosen over him but because Garrus' father wouldn't let him. Agonus was just as infuriated as Garrus was. He was offered a chance to go and meet the best recruits from the systems alliance and train with them, and his father refused. So instead he was to spend six awkward months on a frigate with only the purple faced Asha and her curious but suggestive personality to keep him company. Agonus took up the diplomatic position instead, despite the ramifications the Relay 314 incident had on his family.

The still scarred faceplate above his left eye reminded Garrus how close Agonus and Solana had gotten over the years despite their horrible beginnings. Garrus didn't mind. He kept this as evidence that people can change and grow. His father didn't mind either. _Though if he knew some of the things they got up to in their off-time— _he shuddered. Not at the weird image in his head about his best friend and his sister, but of the thought of his father and those icy condescending blue eyes.

"I'm worried about you both," she admitted. She felt uncertain about all this change, but she knew they have had to come of age at some point. "Don't do anything stupid!"

"Like _I'd_ do something stupid"

She hit him, lightly but not playfully. He saw the serious shade of her eyes and changed his tone. "Hey, I'll be alright." He said, pulling Solana into a hug.

"Don't you _dare_ be anything but alright!" she ordered. "And that goes for him to." She gestured towards her boyfriend.

Garrus laughed. "Solana we'll both be fine. I promise. We both don't want an angry little biotic to come after us if we're anything but."

"You're such an annoying older brother," she said into his chest.

His mother interrupted them both with a hug that squished the life out of Garrus. "Oh my baby boy's all grown up!" she said.

His neck flushed blue as he chucked embarrassingly. His mother had always been such a tight hugger, and_ really _awkward in public. "Um… Thanks mom." Solana took the exit, presumably to say goodbye to Agonus.

"Look at you! All smart in your combat armor with your lucky visor," She fiddled with the clamps on his armor like she was neatening him up for a primary school prom. "I'm so proud of you Garrus."

He squeezed her closer. "Thanks mom, I mean it." He felt a sad pressure swelling at his throat and into his sub harmonics. "Thanks for putting up with me."

She held her son by both shoulders and looked at him warmly. "Please Garrus," she said sincerely, "please don't let what your father says get to your head. At the same time, consider everything he has to offer."

_Don't let it get to your head_, he repeated internally.

His mother left, leaving the final person waiting to say goodbye standing at an awkward distance away from his son. Garrus stood up straight with a formality that prevented any warmth of compassion to leak out of his body language.

"Dad," Garrus said.

"Son," he replied.

"I guess this is it, isn't it?" Garrus said after a while. He wasn't sure if it was relief, sadness or disappointment in his voice.

"Don't make it seem so final, we'll see each other again."

There was a pause.

"Dad, why did you deny my placement into the special mission?" Dad, w_hy didn't you allow me to become a Specter? Dad, why weren't you proud of me when I did everything right? Dad, why weren't you ever there when I needed you? Dad, why didn't you care for me like a real fa—_

"Because you aren't ready," he replied.

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"I'm your father Garrus."

_Are you?_

Garrus thought before he responded.

"Father, I'm nineteen."

"Yes and I'm fifty two, and I still have a lot to learn…"

He paused. Garrus saw an emotion on his father's face that he'd never seen before. He looked like he was out of his depth.

"…A lot to learn about many things." He continued. He put his hand on Garrus' shoulder. "Like being a father… Like being the kind father that you deserve from me, not the one I thought you needed." He paused, his eyes dipped down in a shame that he had never seen before. "Not like the one I was to you."

Garrus recognized that emotion on his face and in his sub harmonics. It was sorrow, it was regret, it was self-dissatisfaction.

Garrus didn't know how to respond. In all the years he knew him, his father had never before opened up to him like this. It made him feel warm. It made him feel loved. He grabbed his father into a hug; that was something he hadn't done for so many years. It felt weird but oddly comfortable.

"I'm going to miss you dad." He squeaked out.

His father stroked the top of his fringe protectively, "I'm going to miss you too Garrus."

_Don't let it get to my head, _Garrus thought. _Funny._

…

"Rise and shine maggots!"

The senior drill instructor came waltzing into the bunk house thrashing a wooden spoon around the inside of a hollow metal drum.

Shepard stirred in her bunk. Each metallic rattling sound resounded and echoed in her skull increasing the intensity of her already present migraine. All of her muscles were stiff and ached with debilitating lactic acid that she had come to expect from four years of N training. Yet, as usual, she was the first to spring out of her bunk and stand at attention. And as usual Kyle Roberts flopped to the floor, libs stiff, and wobbled like a wooden spoon.

It took twenty seconds for the rest of the platoon to replicate Shepard's perfect posture and stand at attention.

"I take it all of you milk blooded pansies enjoyed your last night's stay in this here establishment?" The drill instructor bellowed, her loud voice not helping Shepard's relentless migraine.

"Sir, yes Sir!" they responded in union.

_Four years, _Shepard thought, _Four years and it's nearly over. _She'd been pulled out of basic along with a few other top recruits (and unfortunately her drill instructor) and told to report to _the villa _in Rio de Janerio to be worked to death. She defied all odds set against her. She slugged through the grueling physically demanding initial training at _the villa. _After that she was like an unstoppable force in motion; steamrolling trough ranks 1-6 and well on her way to becoming an N7.

Yesterday was her twenty second birthday. Her hair was just as long and flowing as the day they made her shave it. The platoon threw a party to celebrate, even gunnery sergeant _Bitchwoman _joined in on the fun. Shepard never thought she'd see the day. _Military life isn't so bad. _She admitted. _I've got great motivations, great intentions, great friends…_ Her gazed diverted slightly to the muscular bulk that was Kyle Roberts to her left. _Some a bit more than great friends…_

"That's fucking fantastic! Because this time tomorrow you'll be waking up on a ship on a way to a combat zone!" She wouldn't be lying if she said she dreaded the day she would be put in a combat zone. Not because she was afraid, but because she hated killing. She learnt that lesson four years ago. However this was her purpose now: to fight and to win by any means necessary. "And this time next month you will be one of three things, an N6, an N7, or fucking dead! I'd don't know where we're heading, but wherever we're going the enemy won't be firing paintballs at you! Do you maggots understand?"

"Sir, yes Sir!"

"Good. Now, you have all been assigned to be a part of a special program." She stopped in front of Shepard and looked at her. "And this is due in huge part of the out-fucking-standing ability and determination of one Private Shepard." Shepard didn't want to be praised by the drill instructor. She didn't join the military for the fame and glory. _Technically I didn't have a choice. _"And to introduce this special program we have one of the most decorated soldiers in the whole fucking Galaxy. May I present: Captain Anderson!"

Shepard's heart thudded to a standstill. _Anderson? _Her blood pressure went through the roof. It had been four years since she last saw the closest person she will ever have to a father. Her limbs tingled in uncomfortable ways. Four years since she'd last seen the disappointment in his eyes.

"At ease soldiers," Anderson said. His voice as gravely and commanding as she remembered. He walked slowly and examined every one of the now hardened recruits. He stopped in front of Shepard and smiled warmly. A smile that spelt _I'm proud of you._ Shepard relaxed, all of her anxiety drained out of her body. "In approximately two hours you will all be joining me on my ship: the Tokyo and we will be rendezvousing with a Turian transport ship. On the Turian ship will be a squad of five of the best military recruits the hierarchy has to offer. We will then head of into a combat zone that suits our calling. This will be the first ever publically joint military operation between the Systems alliance and the Turian hierarchy."

"So in other words don't fuck this up!" The gunnery sergeant announced. Anderson seemed to ignore her.

"Sir, permission to speak freely Sir?" Private 'Redneck' Vex spoke up. Shepard internally sighed. Vex always had a reputation for speaking his mind and not caring what others thought. Gunnery Sergeant Chaser knew this.

"No you do not Redneck!"

Anderson on the other hand didn't know this, at least not yet. "Let the Private speak Chaser."

Vex jumped on his opportunity. "Sir I do not think we should be collaborating with Turians Sir!"

"You're fucking out of line private."

Anderson decisively signaled Sergeant Chaser to be quite.

"Will you please explain why you have such a strong opinion Private?" Anderson asked calmly.

Vex appeared to struggle with the questions, spouting out several half words before managing a seemingly coherent sentence.

"Sir I don't think we should be collaborating with a species in such a way that we have been recently been at war with Sir!"

"Private shit-for-brains!" Chaser shouted, "What have I told you about—"

"Shut up Nyrice." Anderson ordered calmly. "I was there during the first contact war." Anderson's eyes drifted as he recounted his experience. "The whole point of this program is to improve relations between the Turian hierarchy and the alliance. We can't afford to be isolationists if we want to grow as a species." He turned his stern gaze back to Vex. "We cannot afford to have any kind of… _politically reactionary_ participants on this delicate diplomatic mission. So I trust that your views and opinions will _change, _or you will at least be able to keep quiet about them, once we meet out hierarchy counterparts?"

Vex took the hint and saluted. "It won't be a problem Sir!"

"Good, because if you create any sort of diplomatic incident you'll be dishonorably discharged faster than you can say 'birdmen' understand?" His tone was serious.

"Sir, yes Sir!"

"Well we've got five hours before we meet the hierarchy's best and the brightest. Shepard…" Anderson turned to look at his student; his apprentice. "When Chaser of myself are not around you're in charge of the platoon. No pressure right?"

"Aye aye sir!" _No pressure indeed._

…

…_Incoming message… Sender: Agonus Satarian…Time: 22:04… _

_ Garrus, you still up? How's life on a frigate? Asha been treating you well?_

…_Incoming message… Sender: Garrus Vakarian…Time: 22:07…_

_ Yeah, just come off duty. The Ice Queen's still the same, sending mixed messages and all that. How are you getting on with the humans? Not killed anyone yet I hope? _

…_Incoming message… Sender: Agonus Satarian…Time: 22:08… _

_ They're surprisingly respectable for a bunch of apes. Almost everyone I've met was polite. Well, almost everyone. Still. I can't help recall a conversation we had a few years ago, something about chasing__ after hot alien babes from one corner of the galaxy to the next…_

…_Incoming message… Sender: Garrus Vakarian…Time: 22:10… _

_ I'm telling Solana._

…_Incoming message… Sender: Agonus Satarian…Time: 22:11… _

_ Haha. I was joking. Besides, this human is more your type anyway…_

…_Incoming message… Sender: Garrus Vakarian…Time: 22:11… _

_ Now you've got me interested._

…_Incoming message… Sender: Agonus Satarian…Time: 22:11… _

_ I thought you weren't a hopeless romantic anymore._

…_Incoming message… Sender: Garrus Vakarian…Time: 22:12… _

_ Indulge me._

…_Incoming message… Sender: Agonus Satarian…Time: 22:14… _

_ She's just like you, apart from being human and having a freakish red colour of hair. She's stubborn, serious; she acts like she has a rod up her ass. She's commanding, charismatic, intelligent, determined, fierce…_

…_Incoming message… Sender: Garrus Vakarian…Time: 22:15… _

_ Not interested. _

…_Incoming message… Sender: Agonus Satarian…Time: 22:16… _

_ Ha, of course not._

…_Incoming message… Sender: Garrus Vakarian…Time: 22:17… _

_ More seriously though, how have you been? You haven't spoken in a while._

…_Incoming message… Sender: Agonus Satarian…Time: 22:19… _

_ Garrus I'll talk to you later, one of the humans wants to speak to me._

…_Incoming message… Sender: Garrus Vakarian…Time: 22:20… _

_ Hey. In all seriousness, be careful out there._

…

"What the _hell_ are you doing Private?" Shepard barked stepping in between Vex and the Turian with the scarred face plate.

Vex turned to her, "The _Turian _was sending sensitive information to an external source." She didn't miss the way he pronounced the word _Turian. _It was full of venom.

She turned to look at the Turian; he took the signal and told his side of the story. "I was chatting to one of my friends; we are all authorized to communicate during our down time. Sending a casual message hardly counts as sending sensitive information."

"May we speak privately Ma'am?" Vex asked.

"No we may not. I'm sure whatever you have to say, the lieutenant has every right to hear it." When she spoke, she said her words with a commanding posture to it. She didn't mess around.

Vex seemed to squirm uncomfortably. He took up a rigid body position whilst the Turian remained completely neutral and at attention. "Should Anderson really be allowing these _Turians _full access to the ship?" He said blatantly and right in front of Turian lieutenant.

Shepard had to suppress a smart ass grin when what she was about to say came to mind. "Private I'm starting to wonder if Anderson should be allowing _you _full access to the ship."

He looked taken aback, as if he expected her to side with him. "Shepard you can't really…"

"It's Ma'am, and you should watch your mouth Private. Anderson wasn't joking about that dishonorable discharge waiting for you if you screwed up." Vex was vexed. Shepard noticed this and dismissed him before he could say anything else. That left her face to face with the Turian. "I'm sorry I have to ask you this, but when a suspected threat towards this ship has been reported, even by an idiot like him, I have to check it out. So would you mind if I looked at your omni-tool?"

The lieutenant did something she would never have expected from a Turian, he giggled. "Oh— Ah— I—, Isn't there privacy policy aboard a human vessel? Not that I'm hiding anything it's just— uh, well, it's just— you know, embarrassing if a human read it."

Shepard thought for a moment. "Sure, I think I can trust you. What kind of friend were you talking to?"

He pointed to the scar on his forehead. "The one who gave me this."

"Huh. Some friend," she said sarcastically.

"Believe me; you meet someone who does something like that to you and you either end up hating him, or becoming his best friend for life."

Shepard just nodded in agreement, not really understanding. She defiantly had friends throughout her life, but not many of them lasted more than two or three years. She wondered what it would be like to have a loyal friend to stick with her through thick and thin. She didn't admit it but she was a bit jealous of whatever they shared.

"I am _grateful _for your understanding." He paused for a bit as he tried to figure out what to say. "Look Ma'am, thank you for dealing with him and not immediately siding with your own species. I can't say I—"

"Look, Satarian right?" she interrupted. "I like you; you seem like a respectable person. We have had a good working relation for the past few days now. I think we should just leave it like that." She said finally.

She didn't leave; they just stayed silent for a long time. It was Agonus that broke the silence.

"First contact war hit you hard?" he asked respectfully.

Shepard didn't know whether to be offended or intimidated. "I lost a father. Never met him." She said bluntly and with a passive aggressive tone.

Agonus stared off and stayed silent for a bit. "Yeah, me too." He said morosely. "He died three months before I was born."

She felt a tingle of sympathy run through her. All of her passive aggressive posturing was replaced by some new found empathy. _They may be aliens, _she thought, _but they're alive just like I am. _"Ain't war hell?" She asked rhetorically.

"What was one of your human proverbs again? An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind?"

Her upper lip curled into a smile. _Maybe we aren't so different. _"Now I feel guilty, I don't know anything about Turian culture."

He laughed, "Not much to know," he lied. "Not many others like me, most of them are just a bunch of war nerd."

_-PRIORITY ANNOUNCEMENT-_

The ship VI's voice broke across the intercom, silencing their conversation.

-_At 21:00 HOURS THE HUMAN COLONY OF ELYSIUM IN THE SKILLIAN VERGE WAS LAID SEIGE BY AN UNKNOWN ATTACKER. ALL SHIPS IN THE AREA HEAD TOWARDS THOSE CO-ORDINATES-_

"You know after all that talk about peace, an eye for an eye and everything…" Agonus started. "Ready to kick some ass Ma'am?"

She chuckled this time. She was beginning to like this Turian. "You bet your bony ass I am."


	9. Chapter 9

Garrus knew he was building up steam. He never imagined this would be the way he would blow it off.

He flung his head back and barely dodged Asha's near fatal punch. He could see a month's worth of nerves and anxiety compacted into her every move. Garrus kept his guard up and looked for weaknesses but he knew to avoid any serious damage. They were about to hit a Batarian pirate squad, practically a suicide mission. Though that didn't stop her from beating him until her knuckles bloodied, he was thankful she wasn't using her biotics.

Asha moved in a blindingly fast streak of elegant purple. She was faster and more flexible than Garrus. His only hope was to keep her at arm's length. That was pretty much what he'd been doing for the past four years.

She threw a kick to his head that he scarcely managed to block. _Damn she's flexible._ They drew in quite a crowd to their little sparing session. About ten other Turians had gathered around them; responding with cheers and grunts each time one of them made a good move, obviously depending on who bet on whom. This didn't stop one Asha Calligulas from making it personal.

"I can't _believe_ you're still mad. You stubborn, cold, thick, hot headed—" She spat. She punctuated every attack with furious words.

"What do you mean _'you can't believe'_?" He said catching her arm and trying to twist her into an arm lock. Their eyes met and, against all his wishes, his heart sped up.

"I mean," she kicked at Garrus' exposed carapace and he lost his grip on her. C_rap. That hurt. _"You should learn to let old spirits rest!"

"What?"

"Stop holding this grudge!" She grew more aggrieve. "Move on, start a new!" Asha got up in his face, too close for him to defend himself. "Stop being so fucking cold!"

He had to admit – even though he was furious – her confidence turned him on. He felt guilty, almost dirty. He was supposed to hate her, but even after all this coldness he still found her attractive.

"What would you rather have me be?" He desperately tried to push her back. "What do you want from me?" She grappled his arm and twisted it into a lock. He kicked her legs out from under him and brought them both falling to the ground.

She landed on top of him and mounted his chest, squeezing the air out of his furious lungs. He purred for all the wrong reasons. "I want you." She said right into his face, quite enough so the bettors wouldn't hear. "I want you to stop being so cold."

"Break it up! Break it up!" The senior officer ripped her from off of him.

"But Sir!" she exclaimed.

"You two have gone nine rounds at each other. Give it up and save it for the Batarians."A roar of dissatisfied and vulgar expressions erupted from around them. Asha got up and bolted to the exit. He dashed for her, steam boiling in his gizzard. He was furious.

"Me? I'm the one that's cold? That's rich!" He shouted in the narrow corridor after her. "You've hardly said a single thing to me! And when you do, you're always so damn icy!"

"Says you!" she didn't bother to turn her head to shout at him. "How long can you hold a grudge?"

"You cheated!" he snapped.

"I know! I know! You don't need to remind me every fucking day! Move on. What I did was wrong."

"No shit!"

"Fuck you Garrus. Get over it. I'm sorry ok? If you want me to open up I'm fucking opening up! I'm sorry. I… just stop acting so damn cold."

Garrus shook his head as she continued to race away from him. "You didn't have to be _so_—"

Asha stopped in her tracks, right outside her quarters and swung around. "_So_ what Garrus?"

Eyes meeting hers, he tried to remember his words. "You could… you could've told me this earlier instead of sending mixed messages! Instead of…"

"Instead of what?"

He snapped. "Instead of acting the way you did for the past four years. Instead of acting like the heartless _bitch _you are!"

That was it. That knocked all the coldness from her face and replaced it with an emotion he'd never seen from her before: sadness. Guilt plucked at his heart strings and asked for sympathies. "Look Asha, I didn't mean—" Her mandibles clung to her face and she retracted back into her quarters before he could apologise. The door's shut on him.

The door closed before he could follow her in and he slammed his fist on the door. "Dammit!" Regret was making its way through his system. If he thought she was cold before, he has no idea what he just got himself into. _Dammit why did I say that? That was horrible of me. Why did I just put a judgement on her like that for so long? Damn I been so stupidly narrow minded. I never meant… _"Dammit Asha I never meant… look, I'm sorry ok? I didn't mean—"

The door to her quarters opened up and he almost fell on his face as he stumbled in. The room was very dim and the air was hot and still. Only one light shone very dimly, barely enough to illuminate Asha's who stood at the front of her bed. She was naked from the hips up, exposing her delicately soft smooth waist. Garrus' mouth ran dry.

"Look at me." she pleaded; her sub harmonics frail and insecure. He did. Her purple colony marks ran the length of her slim figure. "Look at me." Their eyes met again. Her tattoos made a simple but elegant design that outlined her sad features. Her eyes were on the verge of being wet. "I'm a Turian, like you." She said slowly. "I make mistakes like you. I'm insecure like you are…" Her words stuck home. Deep down, he had always been insecure, especially around women. He never thought that Asha and all her boisterousness could be insecure like he was. "I'm lonely like you are. I'm imperfect, like everyone is. Please Garrus. I'm sorry I cheated. I'm sorry that I've been a completely shitty person. I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry that—"

"Asha," he interrupted softly. His tone was soft and heartening. "It's okay." He took a cautious step towards her. "We can start anew. I've… I've not acted as a very good Turian. Spirits I can almost hear my father shouting at me." He meant it as a joke but it took on a more morose tone for him. I've been a massive idiot too." They both let out a nervous laugh, letting the last of the tension drain away on the floor along with the last of their clothes.

They stayed silent for a while as he moved closer towards her. He gipped her waist as she reached for the sensitive skin underneath his fringe.

"What do you say Vakarian? Ready for round ten?"

"Round ten?" he asked as he pushed her gently back onto her bed. "I thought this was the tie breaker."

She laughed. She was anything but cold.


End file.
